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The Year of Rabbit is approaching.

It’s time to start anew. I’ll try and leave all the emotional baggage behind, go out and meet new people, try out new things, and… do what I need/want to do. And hope I’ll enjoy the process. =)

Wish me luck! ^^

我真的好喜欢这首歌的歌词。说到内心深处了。。。

傻瓜-温岚

其实他做的坏事我们都懂
没有什么不同
眼光闪烁 暧昧流动
闭上眼当作听说

其实别人的招数我们都懂
没有什么不同
故作软弱 撒娇害羞
只是有一点别扭

傻瓜也许单纯得多
爱得没那么做作
爱上了我不保留

傻瓜 我们都一样
被爱情伤了又伤
相信这个他不一样
却又再一次受伤

傻瓜 我们都一样
受了伤却不投降
相信付出会有代价
代价只是一句傻瓜

Yup, I deactivated the comments again because of the horrible comments spam.  I’ve cleared 700+ last night (as I haven’t been logging in to clear them for quite a while), and this morning when I checked again, there’s 28 new spam comments.  Gah!

So yeah, decided to close the comments for good. =_=;

If you wanna comment on my entries, feel free to message me on FB, MSN, Whataspp or just sms me for a meet up or something.  I’m darn free nowadays.  Kinda.  LOL.

Two more hours to a brand new year.

Two more hours left of the last year of the decade.

Year 2010… has its fair share of ups and downs, though I would say the downs are a lot more than the ups. XD But still… lessons were learnt, and wisdom was gained. So all in all… I guess it’s not that bad.

I’ve come to terms with a lot of things in life… that not everything goes according to what I plan; that most things were usually out of my control, even though I thought I had them in control; that things can’t be forced; and that if it’s not meant to be, it’s not meant to be.

Downs aside, perhaps one of the better things that happened in year 2010 was the arrival of my little niece, Celyn, on 29th November. I’m still not that used to be being around such fragile humanoids, but at least I don’t really fear them that much anymore. Dylan had also somewhat warmed up to me, to the point where he would rather crawl onto my lap than to let his paternal grandmother hug him. :x That counts for some improvement in my relationship with him huh! :D

My Chinese zodiac, Rooster, is gonna have the worst of luck next year, in the Year of Rabbit. Plenty of upheavals in life, relationships, health, finance, and god-knows-what-else. Sigh. Of course, there’s no need to read too much into it, but… it just doesn’t feel great to know that it’s gonna be a tough year ahead. (And yes, I do actually believe in Chinese Astrology, somehow.)

I seriously have no idea what next year would bring. Hopefully it won’t be half bad… XD Enough of my melancholy…

Here’s wishing all of my friends a happy 2011. May it be a better year than this. =)

Those who know me knew that I wasn’t much into JDrama or KDrama or TDrama or whatsoever.  But every now and then, there will be a good drama that captivated me.  And here I was, re-watching some scenes from Shining Inheritance online again… and found myself crying over this bittersweet scene (from beginning of episode till about 02.20) again. Sigh~ Did you see him cry?  OMG, my heart just wrenched when she told him to stop coming near, and he really stopped because he knew how much she was hurting, despite him dying to go hug her and kiss her tears away.  Awwww…..  :(  And have I mentioned that I love the background song that was playing? *heart melts*

And here goes the translated lyrics of the song!~

Love is Punishment by K. Will

Perhaps if I have never encountered you, it would have been the best
If I had need been living in another world
If I had need to become strangers in life
It will not have been left with this inflicting pain in my heart

Love is to love you
When you aren’t around, stealing mutter to say i love you
Afraid that when you heard that, you will run away
Obscure silence inadvertently in loving you

*tears*  :~  OST MTV below~!  And oh, it was so lovingly-made T_T~!

The year seems to be getting worse and worse.

First, Reko has to leave.

Then, my eldest uncle had a fall and burst a blood vessel in his brain.  Now he’s in a coma, lying in Changi Hospital’s ICU, and this morning his family just received notification from the hospital, asking them to make a decision – to pull the plug or to go for the op, which has a ridiculously low chance of success.

Sigh….

Should I actually be thankful that the year is coming to an end, and then a new year is coming soon?

Can I hope or wish that the new year will be better?

Just to make things slightly worse, Reko just found out that his WoW account got banned by Blizzard for god-knows-what-reason.  They said an email has been sent to him, notifying him of the reason, but till now, he hasn’t received any emails.

So, we thought okay, since we can’t play WoW today, let’s go on D2 then.  And then I realised I can’t log into D2’s Battle Net.  It says I have no internet connection, even though I can surf the net just fine.  I even tried resetting my modem, but no can do.  Argh.

Let’s hope this is just a one-off issue and everything will be fine again tomorrow, after a good night’s sleep.  -_-;

… 3 more weeks.  =(

It’s so hard to try and not think about it.  It’s so hard to pretend that everything’s okay and fine and dandy.

But what else can I do?  Even if I bawl my eyes out, he still has to leave.  Our conversation today went something like this:

Him:  “So what’s next for me?”

Me:  “Work on your portfolio, I guess…?”

Him:  “And after that?”

Me:  “Once you think it’s ready, submit it to companies…?”

Him:  “And after that?”

Me:  “…”

I know what he was saying.  I know what he was asking.  And to be honest, I have no answer to it.  So… even after he got a job somewhere, how am I supposed be there with him?  Will he even have the time to come here and asked my parents for my hand?  Will my mom even agree to it (assuming he hasn’t start work)? Even if he starts working there for, say a year, and then what?  Will he have the time to come for me?

Of course, I could go to him… but in order to have a reason to seek employment opportunities overseas, I’ll first need a degree.  A diploma will never be enough.  And honestly… I really don’t want to study anymore.  I was sick and tired of all the projects, assignments and exams, and even after working for 7.5 years, I’m still sick of those.

But who knows… maybe at the end of the day, I might further my studies just so that I can go there and be with him.  Or who knows, maybe my mom will allow him to marry me even though he hasn’t start his job or something.  Or maybe one day we both decide that perhaps we are not destined to be together.  D:  Sigh… I don’t know.  There are so many uncertainties, so many unknown factors that would just change everything.  It’s just like… just when I thought we at least have two more years together here before he finished his studies, he had to leave in a month’s time.  Too many uncertainties… to even have a proper plan.

In order not to break down and cry every night, I try to tell myself to look on the slightly positive side.  I could go for my karaoke without feeling guilty about leaving him all alone at his rented apartment.  I could go shopping alone or go out with my friends without worrying about him, whether he’ll be upset that I’m having fun and spending time with my friends.  Of course he wouldn’t.  >_<  But sometimes I will just feel guilty… don’t ask me why.  >_>

But… even when he’s not here, I know I’ll still feel bad for going out with friends when I could be at home, messaging him on MSN or chatting via Skype, or even play together on WoW.  I know I’ll still feel bad for going to karaoke and enjoying myself while he’s slogging away at home in Finland, working on his portfolio for our future.

Meh… seems like nothing I do is right.  Or am I just going around in circles, chasing my own tail?  Do I even make sense in this post?

Sigh…

3 more weeks…

Sometimes I wish I could be more rebellious.  I wish I could be more heartless.  Just leave my parents here and go with him, regardless of whether they agree to it or not.  But I can’t do that… even at times when I got so mad with them, I just couldn’t just abandon them and just leave… They are selfish for wanting to keep me here… but I’m selfish too if I just think about my own happiness and life… but I’m also selfish and being unfair too, to him, if I stay here because I can’t leave my parents alone.  He was willing to sacrifice everything to be with me, yet I can’t do the same for him.

Maybe I don’t deserve him?  Maybe he deserve someone better than me, who could do a lot more for him?  Why does it really feel like its not right, no matter what I do, what decision I make, which path I take?

好累，好烦，好乱…

… to me.  :)

好累。。。

好想哭，却又不能在你面前哭。。。

装作坚强，又担心你会以为我不在乎。

真的好累。。。为什么会觉得怎么做都不对。。。？