Those who have been the closest to me would have known this by now.
Reko is going back to Finland.
No, we didn’t had a tiff. No, it wasn’t his choice to go back. The school terminated him as a student (and that itself is another long story which I’m too tired to repeat here), and hence without any student visa, he’ll have to leave. The lady over at ICA was kind enough to give him an extension to stay in Singapore till end Jan 2011, but since he already have booked a ticket back to Finland for Christmas next month 14th, he will just leave then…
And not come back after that.
Perhaps some might ask why he don’t want to try looking for work here. The problem is… Singapore has no good prospects with regards to what he wants to do. He has goals and a dream company he wants to work for, and I seriously don’t want him to get stuck here simply because he wants to be with me.
Sure, he can get into Ubisoft easily. But will that help in his journey towards his goal? Will it a step forward to where he wanted to go? He honestly admitted that, no, going into Ubisoft will not be a step forward. If anything, it’ll actually be a step backwards.
See, in the industry that he’s in, degree and whatever paper qualification does not matter. At all. What they need is a strong portfolio. It doesn’t quite matter if you are not experienced (if you are going for entry level positions), but it does matter a lot if your portfolio is not good enough to leave a strong impression. If he’s gonna work in Ubisoft, then he won’t have the time to work on his own portfolio, and this is something that he’s apprehensive about.
To me, it’s more about the future. I know where he wants to go, and I want him to head there. It doesn’t matter that he can’t be with me now, so long as I know that he’s working hard for our future. He rebutted me saying that the destination is not as important as the journey there. Yes, I agree with that too, but with him staying here, he’s not even going in the direction of his ultimate destination. Then what?
I don’t want to be the obstacle in his career path. I know he can achieve bigger things. I believe in him. Hence, I’m willing to bear with the temporary separation, just so that he can have some time on his own back home to finish building his portfolio. If he gets employed by his dream company, then we’ll see how it goes on from there.
Of course I’ll miss him… I’ll miss him like hell. =/ No one to hold my hand when sitting in cabs, no one to hug me when I’m feeling down, no one to play WoW side by side with, no one to cook for me during weekends (I’ll especially miss the eggs, pan-fried meats, zucchinis and mushrooms…), no one to drink Starbucks with me and walk around City Hall / Orchard with that Starbucks latte cup in hand… No one will be waiting for me at the gym lounge after workouts to go get dinner together… No one to try new restaurants with…
I can be strong… if I don’t think about all that. Of course I’ll try not to dwell on it but… it’s gonna be hard initially, I guess. At first, I told him that if I didn’t break down, then he shouldn’t. After all, he’s the guy! But then I broke down on the second day when I was at his place… because I looked at the computer table with the two monitors, and that dining table… and then it just hit me so hard that I won’t be able to play WoW with him beside me soon anymore, and that we won’t be eating at the same table soon anymore… won’t be making coffee for each other anymore…
=(
But I will try and be strong. For myself and for him. He’s way more sentimental than me, so if this is taking a toll on me, he’s sure having it a lot worse. I’ve already booked myself a ticket to Finland for a visit in January, and will be going again in December next year. He’ll most likely be visiting me in between those two trips as well. Long distance relationships are hard to maintain, but he knows my lifestyle and I know his. We both know and trust that we won’t stray. I guess that’s the most important thing in a LDR. We will still be contacting each other daily via MSN or Skype or something, and we will still play the game together, just like how we started this whole thing. :)
Truth be told, I’m a little teeny-weeny glad that the school terminated him instead because he hasn’t been at all happy while studying at Digifail. In just two years, he went from a cheerful and bubbly guy to a depressed and cynical person (thanks to the useless, inferiority-complex-abound ‘teachers’), and he hasn’t really, really smile for the past two years. My heart ached so much for him, for I know what kind of shit he was going through in the school. I’ve asked him several times to just quit the school, but he always said, “That means I won’t have a student visa anymore and that means that I can’t stay here and be with you anymore.” And thus, the issue was pushed aside again and again, and I just see him sinking into depression day after day. In a way, both of us are a little glad that this is happening, as it actually forced him into taking some action (with his portfolio). Of course, the down side to this is that he’ll have to leave…
I’ll wait for him. I always have… since the day we acknowledged our feelings for each other. And since we already decided not to have any kids, it doesn’t matter how long I have to wait. I’ll just wait… until either he comes back for me or he doesn’t want me anymore. ^^;
Maybe someone may ask me… won’t I fall in love with another since he won’t be around? Well one thing’s for sure… we both know that no one can/will love me as much as him… with reasons I’ll rather not share publicly. He literally loves me for who I am. He doesn’t try and change me at all (while sometimes I’m the one who’ll try and make him change his habits xD). He has never forced me to do anything that I don’t want to do. He knew what happened to me in my previous relationship, and he took care not to let me feel the same way again, ever. I know, deep inside my heart, that there is probably no other man who can actually do that for me, other than Reko. One may think that I’m saying this a little too early, but at the moment (actually for years already), my thinking is that… If I’m not with him, then most likely I won’t be spending the rest of my life with anyone else.
Simple as that. :)