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<3

*picks up the pieces carefully*

Because some things are worth bleeding for.

 
*puts them together into a kiln, throw in some special glass resin, and turns on the high heat despite it gonna be real uncomfortable*

Because some people are worth putting down the pride for.

 
*watches the glass pieces fused and meld together again as one*

Because at the end it will result in something that will be stronger in fundamentals, and more beautiful in an abstract way.

 

 

And I believe that it will be. :)

… And it shattered.

Re-read my older blog entries.  All the way from year 2002 onwards…

From when I was still with Ryan, to breaking off with him, and then with Reko, and then breaking off with Reko…

And of course, the many things that happened within these 12 years.

There are many things that I’ve long forgotten… and when I read about them in my entries, I was like, “….? That happened? Why can’t I remember?”  LOL… proof that my memory is deteriorating, I guess.

There are some things that I still remember fondly.  There are some things that I remembered but I wish I could forget.  There are some that I simply don’t remember.  At all.

All these twelve years… what would haunt me forever?  Probably the fact that I’ve hurt Reko, the person who love me the most. We were so certain back then that we would be together forever. His feelings for me probably is still the same as it was 10 years ago. There were some stuff that happened in between these years, but his feelings never wavered – while mine did.

Although one should always look forward in life and not keep dwelling in the past, sometimes I do wonder – what really happened?

But then, what good it is even if I manage to find the answer to that question?  Would it bring the feelings back?  Can anything be changed now?

Feelings were gone; hurtful words were spoken (by me); and the pain I gave him (twice – when I broke up with him and when I told him I have someone in my life now) was something that I doubt he can really recover from, at least not for the time being.  Looking and thinking back the times we were together, it’s really unfair for him to be suffering from all these pain.  But it’s not fair for me either to keep dragging this and giving him false hopes.

I really have no other words to say to him except for “sorry”. Even then, I know it’s not enough, it’s not what he wanted to hear.  I can only hope he’s still doing OK now, and hopefully another door would open for him after this door is closed.

The elderly would say, “It’s always best to choose the person who love you more, instead of choosing the person you love more. 被爱是幸福的，爱人是痛苦的。”

But what they didn’t know is 被爱也会痛苦的，尤其是你不爱那个人.  The guilt will slowly eat you up while your heart is with another person.

Where do we go (Reko and I) from here?

I really hope he would slowly get over me, go out work or really get his company start up and hire some people.  Go out there and get to know more people, and hopefully find someone who really loves him for who he is.  He’s really a good, soft hearted person.  He really deserves to be loved by someone who can love him wholeheartedly, and not hurt him like I did.  And I hope by then, we can be friends again.

…….

Feels kinda good to get this out of my system.

She sat there, and waited. She knew he couldn’t come. But still she waited, for there’s a flame of hope still burning in her heart. Maybe he’d come after he finished his stuff. And so, she waited.

For two hours, she just sat there, watching the clouds flew by… watching the people come and go. Slowly, the flame began flickering.

Maybe… he doesn’t even want to come.

As she sat there, staring at the white fluffy clouds, she finally accepted the reality. No matter how long she waited… he wouldn’t be there. All she wanted was just a glimpse of him… but even that, she guessed, was a little too much to ask for. The flame flickered for the last time, and went out.

She stood up… and smoothed her skirt. It’s time to go… She glanced about the place for the last time. It’s perhaps for the best, she thought. Dejectedly, she turned her head and slowly make her way home…

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Have you ever loved someone and they had absolutely no idea whatsoever?

Have you ever denied your feelings for someone because your fear of rejection was too hard to handle?

We tell lies when we are afraid… afraid of what we don’t know, afraid of what others will think, afraid of what will be found out about us.

But every time we tell a lie…the thing we fear grows stronger.

Have you ever noticed that the worst way to miss someone is when they are right beside you and yet you can never have them…when the moment you can’t feel them under your fingertips you miss them?

Have you ever wondered which hurts the most; saying something and wishing you had not, or saying nothing and wishing you had?

I guess the most important things are the hardest things to say.

Don’t be afraid to tell someone you love them. If you do, they might break your heart… but if you don’t, you might break theirs.

Have you ever decided not to become a couple because you were so afraid of losing what you already had with that person?

Your heart decides who it likes and who it doesn’t. You can’t tell your heart what to do.

It does it on its own… when you least suspect it, or even when you don’t want it to.

Have you ever wanted to love someone with everything you had, but that other person was too afraid to let you?

Too many of us stay walled because we are too afraid to care too much…for fear that the other person does not care as much, or at all.

Life is all about risks and it requires you to jump.

Don’t be a person who has to look back and wonder what they would have, or could have had.

No one waits forever…

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I’ve learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in…

I’ve learned that one good turn gets most of the blankets.

I’ve learned that no matter how much I care, some people are just jackasses.

I’ve learned that it takes years to build up trust, and it only takes suspicion, not proof, to destroy it.

I’ve learned that whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.

I’ve learned that you shouldn’t compare yourself to others – they are more screwed up than you think.

I’ve learned that depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

I’ve learned that it is not what you wear; it is how you take it off.

I’ve learned that you can keep vomiting long after you think you’re finished.

I’ve learned to not sweat the petty things, and not pet the sweaty things. I’ve learned that ex’s are like fungus, and keep coming back. I’ve learned age is a very high price to pay for maturity.

I’ve learned that I don’t suffer from insanity, I enjoy it.

I’ve learned that we are responsible for what we do, unless we are celebrities.

I’ve learned that artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

I’ve learned that 99% of the time when something isn’t working in your house, one of your kids did it.

I’ve learned that there is a fine line between genius and insanity.

I’ve learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon and all the less important ones just never go away. And the real pains in the ass are permanent.

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Heartwarmers

1. It hurts to love someone and not be loved in return, but what is the most painful is to love someone and never finding the courage to let the person know how you feel.

2. Love is when you take away the feeling, the passion, the romance – and you find out you still care for that person.

3. Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one so that when we finally meet the right one, we should know how to be grateful for that gift.

4. The best kind of friend is the one you could sit on a porch, swing with, never say a word, and then walk away feeling like that was the best conversation you’ve had.

5. A sad thing about life is that when you meet someone who means a lot to you only to find out in the end that it was never meant to be and you just have to let go.

6. Giving someone all your love is never an assurance that they’ll love you back! Don’t expect love in return, just wait for it to grow in their hearts but if it doesn’t, be content it grew in yours.

7. When one door of happiness closes, another opens but often we look so long at the closed door that we don’t see the one which has been opened for us.

8. There are things you love to hear but you would never hear it from the person whom you would like to hear it from, but don’t be deaf to hear it from the person who says it with his heart.

9. It’s true that we don’t know what we’ve got until we lose it, but it’s also true that we don’t know what we’ve been missing until it arrives.

10. Love comes to those who still hope even though they’ve been disappointed, to those who still believe even though they’ve been betrayed. We need to love those who still love even though they’ve been hurt before.

11. Never say goodbye when you still want to try – never give up when you still feel you can take it – never say you don’t love that person anymore when you can’t let go.

12. Don’t go for looks, it can deceive; Don’t go for wealth – even that fades away. Go for someone who makes you smile coz only a smile makes a dark day seem bright.

13. It takes a minute to have a crush on someone, an hour to like someone and a day to love someone – but it takes a lifetime to forget someone.

14. Dream what you want to dream; Go where you want to go; Be what you want to be coz you have only one life and one chance to do all the things you want in life.

15. There are moments in life when you really miss someone so bad that you want to pick them from your dreams and hug them for real! Hope you dream of that someone. =)

16. May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human, enough hope to make you happy and enough money to buy me gifts! *evil grinz*

17. Always put yourself in other’s shoes. If you feel that it hurts you, it probably does hurt the person too.

18. The beginning of love is to let those we love be perfectly themselves, and not to twist them with our own image – otherwise, we love only the reflection of ourselves we find in them.

19. A careless word may kindle strife; A cruel word may wreck a life; A timely word may level stress; A loving word may heal and bless.

20. The happiest of people don’t necessarily have the best of everything; They just make the most of everything that comes along their way.

21. When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling. Live your life so that when you die, you’re smiling and everyone around you is crying.

22. Happiness lies for those who cry, those who hurt, those who have searched and those who have tried. For only they can appreciate the importance of people who have touched their lives.

23. Love starts with a smile, develops with a kiss and ends with a tear.

 

Holy cow.  All the recent photos on my blog are about food.

Food, food and more food.

Damn it, no wonder the numbers on my weighing scale are going so ever slightly up every time I step on it.

But then again… YOLO.

=D

I am no one.

I am non-existent.

I live only in your dreams, perhaps.  Or in your nightmares, if you’d prefer.

 

I don’t exist.

I’m used to being non-existent anyway.

Just a quick update before I move my arse off to the hotel in the morning.

I got my hands on a Samsung Galaxy Note 4!  Whee~  Charcoal black!  I know I love pink but I can’t really imagine myself using a pink Note, to be honest.  I’m not that girly.  =x  Besides, pink is not available at launch anyway.  So black it is!  Love the classic black. <3

Came back from work today and rushed to help mom and dad finished off covering the entire house in plastic, taping the sides, etc.  Only managed to shower and sit down in front of the PC and fan and hope my hair dries in time before I wake up super early to finish up the rest of covering and last min packing in a few hours’ time.  Felt really bad about leaving my parents here, really… But I know why my mom so insistently wants me to leave for now.  Sigh…

Well on the bright side, I’m really free for the rest of the two weeks lol.  No one questioning me where I’m going, why I’m back so late, etc etc.  =x  My weekends are booked though!  I think I’m really gonna enjoy these two weeks. ^_^

 

Things have suddenly been moving so fast, that it felt like I’m on something that moves faster than a bullet train.  I want it to slow down, so that I don’t crash and burn.  But at the same time I don’t want to slow down either.

The feeling is so peculiar, yet so familiar.

The situation makes me apprehensive, yet strangely looking forward to see what may happen.

It’s just a myriad of feelings right now.

Is it a new chapter for me?

All I know for sure, now, is that I won’t trade this for anything else in the world.  =)

 

On a side note, maybe I’ll be heading to HK next March!  Yay!