Tired… both mentally and physically.

Went through an internal tug-of-war every month. Sigh… thank goodness there’s someone always there to hold me up, even though he’s always the ‘war casualty’. Sorry, and thank you… :3

Came back from a Genting trip at the beginning of the month… I don’t think I’ve ever been that relaxed during a Genting trip before. :) Couldn’t believe I had thoroughly enjoyed the trip amongst the clouds, despite breathing in some second-hand smoke and braving through some crowds at First World. And Genting didn’t had that limited food choices as what I remembered. They have so many different kind of food that we were kinda spoilt for choices. We ordered different stuff and shared with each other, so that we could get a taste of the various food offered. The buffet breakfast at Coffee Terrace was goooooood. So good that we had both of our breakfasts there. :D

We didn’t go to the theme park at all, so we literally just hung around the hotel room, walking around outside on the roads, enjoying the fresh mountain air and that sudden rain that poured down on the Saturday evening. =P It was an utterly relaxing weekend getaway. Thinking about it still brings a slight smile to my face. :)

Hong Kong trip in about one month’s time. Can’t wait for yet another relaxing (and longer!) holiday. I’m yearning for my dim sum (siew mai with whole prawn, anyone? =D) breakfasts, my wanton mee at 茶餐厅s, the shopping trips, the one-day trip to Ocean Park to ogle at the Giant Panda, the one night stay at Disneyland Hotel and catching the fireworks there. :3

This is the first time I’m going to a country with someone whom both of us don’t really know the country that well. *laughs* I think the experience will be fun! ^_^ It’s sure gonna require lots of patience and compromising, probably, but I’m sure it’ll strengthen our camaraderie. *grins*

Oh yes, I’m tired… as this entry was titled. But I’m happy too. Pretty odd combo here… but that’s the way things are at the moment. ^^

说了再见。

对这首歌的旋律还算是熟悉的。可是因为这是周杰伦的歌，所以从来不曾仔细的听它的歌词 （因为听不清楚嘛）…

直到看了昨天的超偶，听到了一位参赛者唱这首歌，我才发现原来这歌的歌词是这么的感人肺腑的。其实参赛者唱得不是很好听哦… 可是也就是幸好他/她唱了，荧幕上有字幕，我才能有这个机会接触到《说了再见》的歌词。

真的写的太棒，太棒了… 我跟着歌词唱着，唱着… 竟然哭了。

说了再见 
作词：古小力、黄凌嘉
作曲：周杰伦
编曲：钟兴民

天凉了　雨下了　你走了
清楚了　我爱的　遗失了
落叶飘在湖面上睡着了

想要放　放不掉　泪在飘
你看看　你看看不到
我假装过去不重要
却发现自己办不到

说了再见　才发现再也见不到
我不能　就这样　失去你的微笑
口红待在桌角　而你我找不到
若角色对调　你说好不好

说了再见　才发现再也见不到
能不能　就这样　忍着痛　泪不掉
说好陪我到老　永恒往那里找
再次拥抱　一分一秒　都好

你的笑　你的好　脑海里　一直在绕
我的手　忘不了　你手的温度
心　碎了一地　捡不回从前的心跳
身陷过去我无力逃跑

如果有一天，我说了再见后，你就再也见不到我了。不知道你会不会想起这首歌，会不会终于能体会这歌词里的意思与感情呢…?

I was a huge fan of Backstreet Boys when they first broke out of the boyband scene about 15 years ago.  I bought almost every of their album, bought every magazine that featured them… I was just crazy over them.  I had a small crush on Nick, and I just loved Brian’s vocals.  After a few years, however, my interest in them waned after I graduated from JC…

Today a new colleague was playing this song on her iPhone, and my ears instantly perked up.  Damn, the vocals sounded so familiar!  And the lyrics… oh my.  Although most love songs just have cliche lyrics, and this is no exception, but there are just a few lines that somehow clicked for me. After a quick check on SoundHound (and with confirmation from my colleague, of course), I got to know that the song she was playing was Drowning, by Backstreet Boys.  No wonder they sounded familiar!

Enjoy their MV and lyrics below (with the bolded words being the meaningful stuff that somehow struck a chord within me):

Drowning – Backstreet Boys

Don’t pretend you’re sorry
I know you’re not
You know you got the power
To make me weak inside
Girl you leave me breathless
But it’s okay ’cause
You are my survival
Now hear me say
I can’t imagine life 
Without your love 
Even forever don’t seem 
Like long enough

‘Cause everytime I breathe
I take you in
And my heart beats again
Baby I can’t help it
You keep me
Drowning in your love
Everytime I try to rise above 
I’m swept away by love 
Baby I can’t help it 
You keep me 
Drowning in your love 

Maybe I’m a drifter
Late at night
‘Cause I long for the safety
Of flowing freely
In your arms
I don’t need another life line
It’s not for me
‘Cause only you can save me
Oh can’t you see
I can’t imagine life
Without your love
And even forever don’t seem
Like long enough

‘Cause everytime I breathe
I take you in
And my heart beats again
Baby I can’t help it
You keep me
Drowning in your love
Everytime I try to rise above
I’m swept away by love
Baby I can’t help it
You keep me
Drowning in your love

Go on and pull me under
Cover me with dreams, yeah
Love me mouth to mouth now
You know I can’t resist
‘Cause you’re the air
That I breathe

Everytime I breathe
I take you in
And my heart beats again
Baby I can’t help it
You keep me
Drowning in your love
Everytime I try to rise above
I’m swept away by love
And baby I can’t help it
You keep me
Drowning your love

Baby I can’t help it
Keep me drowning
In your love
I keep drowning
In your love
Baby I can’t help it
Can’t help it no, no

‘Cause everytime I breathe
I take you in
And my heart beats again
Baby I can’t help it
You keep me
Drowning in your love
Everytime I try to rise above
I’m swept away by love
Baby I can’t help it
You keep me
Drowning in your love

Reactivated one of the old themes that I had.  Just feel like doing so…

Kinda in a contented mood now, after a rather difficult, rollercoaster week.  Finally found some peace… after deciding to throw caution to the wind.  LOL.  Sounds a little contradictory, huh?  Well, let’s just say that sometimes one shouldn’t over-think too much.  Oh yes, that’s what I’m telling myself at the moment.  Just go with the flow, I guess.  If one doesn’t try, one will never know, perhaps.  Trying too hard to protect myself may result in things/people/experiences that I shouldn’t have missed…

If you don’t understand what I’m talking about, then perhaps you are not meant to understand it.  Haha!  Maybe only one or two person would understand what I’m trying to say here. ;)

In any case, the Hong Kong trip is confirmed!  Airtickets booked, hotels reserved, itinerary tentatively planned.  =D  Just waiting for the week to be here!  About… 3 more months, I guess?  Darn, such an agonizing wait!  :(

On a side note, hanging out with someone whom you can totally click with feels so different.  I had thought I could click with Reko and he was my soulmate or something… but wow,  how wrong I was.  There are people out there whom I can talk to on a totally different level.  It’s really amazing… Ok, enough of the self-mumbling here.  Off to play some games!  ^^

Just watched Transformers Trilogy marathon yesterday at Marina Square alone.  I have to say marathon-ing movies are fun!  I mean, just leave the brains at home and go watch non-stop action for the whole freaking day, with only 20minutes break in between.  Free flow of popcorn (which is kinda wasted on me) and soft drinks!  Transformers 3 is good – as usual, leave your brains at home.  :D

Re-watching Transformers 1 kinda re-ignited my love for it’s OST.  Not the one by various artists, but The Score, by Steve Jablonsky.

This is one of the most epic music in Transformers 1… just listening to this can bring tears to my eyes.  Don’t ask me why, seriously… I have no idea.  It’s just so grand, so heart warming, yet heart tugging at the same time… I really don’t know how to describe the feeling… Damn, Steve Jablonsky can be such a genius sometimes.  Other epic tracks include “Arrival to Earth” (posted below), “No Sacrifice, No Victory”, etc. I’ll leave it to you to discover on your own.  :)

I really don’t understand how can people watched the movie and not remember the music in the background?  It makes up the entire mood of the scene, or the movie.  It can make or break the entire movie, you know.  That’s how important film music is.  It’s not just about effects or that techno/metal song at the end of the movie that shows up in the typical “Various Artists” soundtracks.  It’s the music that’s being used throughout the movie that tugs your heart strings, that makes you feel for the characters and what they are going through (robots, or not).

Sigh… it’s so hard to find people who can appreciate film/trailer music for what they are…

Well on the side note…  The Hong Kong trip that I’ve planned in November most likely is gonna happen, yay!  Lots of planning to do! =D

Can’t believe that half of 2011 has just passed by… just like that.  It’s already June now.

Six months have gone… and I’m now actually more convinced that my decision back then has been the right one.  I know I’ve been skirting the issue here on my blog… so I’m gonna come clean this time.

I’ve ended my relationship with Reko since last year December.  There were a lot of stuff that happened which I did not blog here, but none of them were actually too negative or bad or whatsoever.  At least none was as traumatic as my first relationship anyway.  I ended it mostly due to the clashes in our thinking, cultural differences, and certain personal (i.e. my own) issue which I couldn’t get over with.  Yup, I still flew to Finland in January to sit down with him and talk about this.  I owe him that much… and it wasn’t my intention to tell him my decision over the internet anyway.  He understood (at least I hope he does) where I’m coming from, and I guess it was an amicable split.  I know it was an extreme difficult and shocking decision for him, but I also know there’s no way I can make it less painful…

We are still friends, no doubt about that.  I’m just trying to chat lesser with him as I’m quite sure he hasn’t quite gotten over the entire thing yet.  I’m not even sure if he has understood the simple fact that it’s over between us.  It just feels like… he’s somewhat still harbouring hope that there’s a chance for us to get back together.  Initially I was wondering about the same question… is there a second chance for us somewhere down the road?  Maybe, maybe not… For now, I just feel that it’s not possible anymore.

Maybe it’s the way I’ve always restrain/restrict myself when I was in a relationship… I felt a lot more free as a single.  I can hang out with anyone I wish, no matter if it’s a guy or girl.  I can hang out with him/her/them as long as I want without having to worry that someone’s gonna get jealous or upset. I’m not saying Reko had felt all that – I just feel that if I’m in a relationship, I should consider my partner’s feelings… kinda.  So yeah, I’m the one who restricted myself, in a way…

As you can read from my earlier entries, I watched movies alone, dine alone, go karaoke alone… and I thoroughly enjoy doing all these alone.  And then I met new people from the KTV thread in one of the forums that I frequent, and one of them has become a really good friend of mine now.  Those who really knew me know that I don’t classify people as my “good” or “close” friends that easily… but yeah, I would consider him as a very close friend.  Someone whom I felt extremely comfortable hanging out with; someone whom I can share my problems with.  With him, I don’t need to put on any mask, I don’t need to pretend to be someone whom I’m not… And it’s all very surprising because this guy is almost a decade younger than me.  I would expect some form of age gap – wait, actually there is, but it’s not that big of a problem as we are always joking about it – but hey, I realised I could click with him far better than anyone else and I enjoy his company very much, despite his little quirks here and there.  :x

Maybe it’s because it’s practically impossible to have any kind of romantic notion between us, I don’t know.   I just felt “safe” going out with him, so to speak.  I don’t need to put on my best front, I don’t need to worry that I’ll fall in love with him or vice versa.  Seriously… I don’t think I’ll ever want to go into a relationship with someone younger than me anymore.  Okay, age is just a number, some might say… but at some point, you’ll realise that it does affect the thinking of the person.  Unless someone can really convince me otherwise, that’ll be my stand at the moment.

At some point… this friendship may end.  But well, to quote him, “let’s just enjoy each other’s company till then!”.  xD

One thing’s for sure.  I’m not looking out for any guys, nor do I want to go into a relationship again, at least in the near future.  I’m tired.  And to be honest, I think I’m just not suited to be in a relationship.  Some of my friends tell me that I shouldn’t close myself off to any possible/potential guys… but ugh…. nah.  I’m really still too tired.

Oops, I’m running late for a meet up.  I’ll probably continue this some other time… maybe not.  D:  LOL, we’ll see..

I’m so going to learn this song!  >(  Even if it’s gonna take me ages to catch all the 转音.  It’s annoying that I can’t sing it well!  Pffft.

On a side note, here’s my YouTube channel where I uploaded all my lousy recordings to post them on the KTV thread, lol.  Feel free to listen to them!  =D  My singing ain’t good at all, so please be kind if you are leaving any comments… :3

What have I been doing since the last blog entry?

Singing, practicing my guitar, meeting up with the KTV group for makan/movie sessions…

Zack and YC have been telling me that I’m singing for the wrong reason.  To them, they want to sing because they want people to hear them sing.  They love to sing because they want to sing for people, they want to touch people’s hearts with their songs.

What’s my reason?  No reason… I sing simply because I like singing.  Which is why I could go karaoke alone… I don’t need to sing for anyone.  I sing because I’m a girl who likes to sing, that’s all to it.  It’s also the reason why I don’t see the need to practice, to learn techniques (what techniques, anyway?! ><~), to learn how to put emotions and feelings into the songs.  Do I wish I could have sing better?  Well… of course.  But do I see the need to?  Well, here’s the difference between them and I.  They want to improve because they are singing for other people.  I’m singing just because I like to sing, so I don’t see any need to improve.

However, Zack said he felt there’s potential in me, just that it wasn’t unleashed.  He felt I could do much more, much better than now.  And that I should practice, I should really go listen to myself and improve on the areas where I’m not good at.  Even WC also said I have the potential…

Should I?  Change my attitude towards singing, I mean.  But… I know how I am.  If I start to think that singing is a chore, then I’ll just stop and give it up.

The same had happened to 古筝 and 中阮… I think all the teachers and seniors in the past in PAYCO had seen a potential in me, that’s why they forced me to go for competitions, made me practise and practise for the competition pieces.  In the end, I got so frustrated that I nearly wanted to give up the whole damn Chinese Orchestra thing.

I play musical instruments because I like to play them.  I sing because I like to sing.  Why do I have to “unleash” my potential and undergo training/practices to become better?  Why do I need to become better?  I’m not out to impress anyone.  I’m not joining competitions.  I don’t want to “PK” and “win” anyone.  I’m just doing what I like to do, that’s all.

Is there something’s wrong with my perception / attitude?  I know this is the reason why I’m always a “jack of all trades, but master of none”, but seriously… these are just some hobbies that I like to dabble in, not a profession I wanna go into.

Sigh.  Maybe there IS something wrong with my attitude, after all.  =(

Sometimes I think these guys are really a tad too hardcore about singing for me… recently I actually wondered if I should leave the KTV thread… I’m just not exactly sure if I’m gonna see eye-to-eye with these guys in the future… but most of them have already become my friends.  As in, real life friends… not just some faceless dude singing on the other side of the monitor.  It always gave me a warm feeling to listen to their singing online, to see their comments on what to be improved, which part sounded nice, etcetc.  It feels like… I’m part of the big group, yet I’m not at the same time, simply because I don’t exactly share their passion to improve singing.

The feeling is odd… but yet strangely familiar at the same time.  I guess that’s what always happen to me.  =]

Ugh, maybe I should refrain from posting at night.  Too emo. =_=;

On a side note… Pirates of The Caribbean 4 soon!  =D And Thor was just superb!  Maybe I should watch it again this weekend.  :3