What have I been doing since the last blog entry?
Singing, practicing my guitar, meeting up with the KTV group for makan/movie sessions…
Zack and YC have been telling me that I’m singing for the wrong reason. To them, they want to sing because they want people to hear them sing. They love to sing because they want to sing for people, they want to touch people’s hearts with their songs.
What’s my reason? No reason… I sing simply because I like singing. Which is why I could go karaoke alone… I don’t need to sing for anyone. I sing because I’m a girl who likes to sing, that’s all to it. It’s also the reason why I don’t see the need to practice, to learn techniques (what techniques, anyway?! ><~), to learn how to put emotions and feelings into the songs. Do I wish I could have sing better? Well… of course. But do I see the need to? Well, here’s the difference between them and I. They want to improve because they are singing for other people. I’m singing just because I like to sing, so I don’t see any need to improve.
However, Zack said he felt there’s potential in me, just that it wasn’t unleashed. He felt I could do much more, much better than now. And that I should practice, I should really go listen to myself and improve on the areas where I’m not good at. Even WC also said I have the potential…
Should I? Change my attitude towards singing, I mean. But… I know how I am. If I start to think that singing is a chore, then I’ll just stop and give it up.
The same had happened to 古筝 and 中阮… I think all the teachers and seniors in the past in PAYCO had seen a potential in me, that’s why they forced me to go for competitions, made me practise and practise for the competition pieces. In the end, I got so frustrated that I nearly wanted to give up the whole damn Chinese Orchestra thing.
I play musical instruments because I like to play them. I sing because I like to sing. Why do I have to “unleash” my potential and undergo training/practices to become better? Why do I need to become better? I’m not out to impress anyone. I’m not joining competitions. I don’t want to “PK” and “win” anyone. I’m just doing what I like to do, that’s all.
Is there something’s wrong with my perception / attitude? I know this is the reason why I’m always a “jack of all trades, but master of none”, but seriously… these are just some hobbies that I like to dabble in, not a profession I wanna go into.
Sigh. Maybe there IS something wrong with my attitude, after all. =(
Sometimes I think these guys are really a tad too hardcore about singing for me… recently I actually wondered if I should leave the KTV thread… I’m just not exactly sure if I’m gonna see eye-to-eye with these guys in the future… but most of them have already become my friends. As in, real life friends… not just some faceless dude singing on the other side of the monitor. It always gave me a warm feeling to listen to their singing online, to see their comments on what to be improved, which part sounded nice, etcetc. It feels like… I’m part of the big group, yet I’m not at the same time, simply because I don’t exactly share their passion to improve singing.
The feeling is odd… but yet strangely familiar at the same time. I guess that’s what always happen to me. =]
Ugh, maybe I should refrain from posting at night. Too emo. =_=;
On a side note… Pirates of The Caribbean 4 soon! =D And Thor was just superb! Maybe I should watch it again this weekend. :3