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Reactivated one of the old themes that I had.  Just feel like doing so…

Kinda in a contented mood now, after a rather difficult, rollercoaster week.  Finally found some peace… after deciding to throw caution to the wind.  LOL.  Sounds a little contradictory, huh?  Well, let’s just say that sometimes one shouldn’t over-think too much.  Oh yes, that’s what I’m telling myself at the moment.  Just go with the flow, I guess.  If one doesn’t try, one will never know, perhaps.  Trying too hard to protect myself may result in things/people/experiences that I shouldn’t have missed…

If you don’t understand what I’m talking about, then perhaps you are not meant to understand it.  Haha!  Maybe only one or two person would understand what I’m trying to say here. ;)

In any case, the Hong Kong trip is confirmed!  Airtickets booked, hotels reserved, itinerary tentatively planned.  =D  Just waiting for the week to be here!  About… 3 more months, I guess?  Darn, such an agonizing wait!  :(

On a side note, hanging out with someone whom you can totally click with feels so different.  I had thought I could click with Reko and he was my soulmate or something… but wow,  how wrong I was.  There are people out there whom I can talk to on a totally different level.  It’s really amazing… Ok, enough of the self-mumbling here.  Off to play some games!  ^^

Just watched Transformers Trilogy marathon yesterday at Marina Square alone.  I have to say marathon-ing movies are fun!  I mean, just leave the brains at home and go watch non-stop action for the whole freaking day, with only 20minutes break in between.  Free flow of popcorn (which is kinda wasted on me) and soft drinks!  Transformers 3 is good – as usual, leave your brains at home.  :D

Re-watching Transformers 1 kinda re-ignited my love for it’s OST.  Not the one by various artists, but The Score, by Steve Jablonsky.

This is one of the most epic music in Transformers 1… just listening to this can bring tears to my eyes.  Don’t ask me why, seriously… I have no idea.  It’s just so grand, so heart warming, yet heart tugging at the same time… I really don’t know how to describe the feeling… Damn, Steve Jablonsky can be such a genius sometimes.  Other epic tracks include “Arrival to Earth” (posted below), “No Sacrifice, No Victory”, etc. I’ll leave it to you to discover on your own.  :)

I really don’t understand how can people watched the movie and not remember the music in the background?  It makes up the entire mood of the scene, or the movie.  It can make or break the entire movie, you know.  That’s how important film music is.  It’s not just about effects or that techno/metal song at the end of the movie that shows up in the typical “Various Artists” soundtracks.  It’s the music that’s being used throughout the movie that tugs your heart strings, that makes you feel for the characters and what they are going through (robots, or not).

Sigh… it’s so hard to find people who can appreciate film/trailer music for what they are…

Well on the side note…  The Hong Kong trip that I’ve planned in November most likely is gonna happen, yay!  Lots of planning to do! =D

Can’t believe that half of 2011 has just passed by… just like that.  It’s already June now.

Six months have gone… and I’m now actually more convinced that my decision back then has been the right one.  I know I’ve been skirting the issue here on my blog… so I’m gonna come clean this time.

I’ve ended my relationship with Reko since last year December.  There were a lot of stuff that happened which I did not blog here, but none of them were actually too negative or bad or whatsoever.  At least none was as traumatic as my first relationship anyway.  I ended it mostly due to the clashes in our thinking, cultural differences, and certain personal (i.e. my own) issue which I couldn’t get over with.  Yup, I still flew to Finland in January to sit down with him and talk about this.  I owe him that much… and it wasn’t my intention to tell him my decision over the internet anyway.  He understood (at least I hope he does) where I’m coming from, and I guess it was an amicable split.  I know it was an extreme difficult and shocking decision for him, but I also know there’s no way I can make it less painful…

We are still friends, no doubt about that.  I’m just trying to chat lesser with him as I’m quite sure he hasn’t quite gotten over the entire thing yet.  I’m not even sure if he has understood the simple fact that it’s over between us.  It just feels like… he’s somewhat still harbouring hope that there’s a chance for us to get back together.  Initially I was wondering about the same question… is there a second chance for us somewhere down the road?  Maybe, maybe not… For now, I just feel that it’s not possible anymore.

Maybe it’s the way I’ve always restrain/restrict myself when I was in a relationship… I felt a lot more free as a single.  I can hang out with anyone I wish, no matter if it’s a guy or girl.  I can hang out with him/her/them as long as I want without having to worry that someone’s gonna get jealous or upset. I’m not saying Reko had felt all that – I just feel that if I’m in a relationship, I should consider my partner’s feelings… kinda.  So yeah, I’m the one who restricted myself, in a way…

As you can read from my earlier entries, I watched movies alone, dine alone, go karaoke alone… and I thoroughly enjoy doing all these alone.  And then I met new people from the KTV thread in one of the forums that I frequent, and one of them has become a really good friend of mine now.  Those who really knew me know that I don’t classify people as my “good” or “close” friends that easily… but yeah, I would consider him as a very close friend.  Someone whom I felt extremely comfortable hanging out with; someone whom I can share my problems with.  With him, I don’t need to put on any mask, I don’t need to pretend to be someone whom I’m not… And it’s all very surprising because this guy is almost a decade younger than me.  I would expect some form of age gap – wait, actually there is, but it’s not that big of a problem as we are always joking about it – but hey, I realised I could click with him far better than anyone else and I enjoy his company very much, despite his little quirks here and there.  :x

Maybe it’s because it’s practically impossible to have any kind of romantic notion between us, I don’t know.   I just felt “safe” going out with him, so to speak.  I don’t need to put on my best front, I don’t need to worry that I’ll fall in love with him or vice versa.  Seriously… I don’t think I’ll ever want to go into a relationship with someone younger than me anymore.  Okay, age is just a number, some might say… but at some point, you’ll realise that it does affect the thinking of the person.  Unless someone can really convince me otherwise, that’ll be my stand at the moment.

At some point… this friendship may end.  But well, to quote him, “let’s just enjoy each other’s company till then!”.  xD

One thing’s for sure.  I’m not looking out for any guys, nor do I want to go into a relationship again, at least in the near future.  I’m tired.  And to be honest, I think I’m just not suited to be in a relationship.  Some of my friends tell me that I shouldn’t close myself off to any possible/potential guys… but ugh…. nah.  I’m really still too tired.

Oops, I’m running late for a meet up.  I’ll probably continue this some other time… maybe not.  D:  LOL, we’ll see..

I’m so going to learn this song!  >(  Even if it’s gonna take me ages to catch all the 转音.  It’s annoying that I can’t sing it well!  Pffft.

On a side note, here’s my YouTube channel where I uploaded all my lousy recordings to post them on the KTV thread, lol.  Feel free to listen to them!  =D  My singing ain’t good at all, so please be kind if you are leaving any comments… :3

What have I been doing since the last blog entry?

Singing, practicing my guitar, meeting up with the KTV group for makan/movie sessions…

Zack and YC have been telling me that I’m singing for the wrong reason.  To them, they want to sing because they want people to hear them sing.  They love to sing because they want to sing for people, they want to touch people’s hearts with their songs.

What’s my reason?  No reason… I sing simply because I like singing.  Which is why I could go karaoke alone… I don’t need to sing for anyone.  I sing because I’m a girl who likes to sing, that’s all to it.  It’s also the reason why I don’t see the need to practice, to learn techniques (what techniques, anyway?! ><~), to learn how to put emotions and feelings into the songs.  Do I wish I could have sing better?  Well… of course.  But do I see the need to?  Well, here’s the difference between them and I.  They want to improve because they are singing for other people.  I’m singing just because I like to sing, so I don’t see any need to improve.

However, Zack said he felt there’s potential in me, just that it wasn’t unleashed.  He felt I could do much more, much better than now.  And that I should practice, I should really go listen to myself and improve on the areas where I’m not good at.  Even WC also said I have the potential…

Should I?  Change my attitude towards singing, I mean.  But… I know how I am.  If I start to think that singing is a chore, then I’ll just stop and give it up.

The same had happened to 古筝 and 中阮… I think all the teachers and seniors in the past in PAYCO had seen a potential in me, that’s why they forced me to go for competitions, made me practise and practise for the competition pieces.  In the end, I got so frustrated that I nearly wanted to give up the whole damn Chinese Orchestra thing.

I play musical instruments because I like to play them.  I sing because I like to sing.  Why do I have to “unleash” my potential and undergo training/practices to become better?  Why do I need to become better?  I’m not out to impress anyone.  I’m not joining competitions.  I don’t want to “PK” and “win” anyone.  I’m just doing what I like to do, that’s all.

Is there something’s wrong with my perception / attitude?  I know this is the reason why I’m always a “jack of all trades, but master of none”, but seriously… these are just some hobbies that I like to dabble in, not a profession I wanna go into.

Sigh.  Maybe there IS something wrong with my attitude, after all.  =(

Sometimes I think these guys are really a tad too hardcore about singing for me… recently I actually wondered if I should leave the KTV thread… I’m just not exactly sure if I’m gonna see eye-to-eye with these guys in the future… but most of them have already become my friends.  As in, real life friends… not just some faceless dude singing on the other side of the monitor.  It always gave me a warm feeling to listen to their singing online, to see their comments on what to be improved, which part sounded nice, etcetc.  It feels like… I’m part of the big group, yet I’m not at the same time, simply because I don’t exactly share their passion to improve singing.

The feeling is odd… but yet strangely familiar at the same time.  I guess that’s what always happen to me.  =]

Ugh, maybe I should refrain from posting at night.  Too emo. =_=;

On a side note… Pirates of The Caribbean 4 soon!  =D And Thor was just superb!  Maybe I should watch it again this weekend.  :3

Happy. Contented (?). Occupied.

I don’t know, really.  =D  Let’s just say… I’ve befriended a bunch of people who love music as much as, or wait, perhaps more than I do.  They love to sing (and darn, they are extremely good!), and they just love music on the whole.  They are the one who inspired me to pick up guitar, something that I have always been thinking about doing, but never had the motivation to.  Watching them strum and sing in front of me makes me feel like strumming the guitar with them instead of just singing along.

Never mind that they are all guys.  Never mind that I’m the oldest.  XD  Never mind that I’m almost a decade older than some of them.  *eeps*

The thing that kept me connected to them (at the moment, at least):  music.

Am I happier now than a year or two years back?  Kinda.  I’m not saying having a boyfriend wasn’t good.  It was perhaps my own fault for not pursuing what I think of pursuing; for not making friends when I should be, even if they could be all just guys. Friendship, especially one that is built on a common interest, is such wonderful thing.  As long as you have the interest there, you’ll never run out of things to say or do.

I went for 胡夏’s fan gathering at KBox Cineleisure on Saturday, as I won a pair of entry passes from Kbox.  I met up with Yun’s youngest sister as there was no one else interested to go.  And I found out that she actually liked 胡夏 a lot, and she was also in Chinese Orchestra!  So yeah… initially I was still worried that it would be pretty awkward for both of us as we’ve never met before, but hey, we actually did have a couple of same interests to yak about.  :D

Zack (one of the guys whom I got to know) got bored at home that day, and decided to come meet me after the 胡夏签唱会.  I wanted to introduce Yun’s little sis to him, but I think he purposely go hide somewhere, and only appeared after the little girl went off.  =_=;  Doh!  Anyway, that was the first time I actually met Zack, so well… it wasn’t as awkward as I thought it would be.  I mean, well, I’m like 9 years older?!  I was half worried that he’d be too reserved because of my age, lol.  But hey, the meet-up went pretty all right.  We were talking about 胡夏, music, and… stuff.  And I found out that he likes to walk around too!  Not like window shopping, but really like, you know, walk.

He was supposed to meet with YC (another guy whom I got to know from the same forum as well) for some guitar session, but because YC couldn’t confirm the timing with him, so he didn’t bring his guitar out.  While we were walking from Bugis to PS, YC called me and told us to meet him at PS since he’s around the area.  So yeah… I haven’t met YC prior to that day, so it was kinda mind-boggling to meet two guys that I know from the forum within a day.  XD  But it wasn’t too bad because we had skyped once or twice together already before that Saturday.  We were like, singing over skype, and then they were playing the guitar and stuff, but it was a rather bad “experiment” as there was some lag in between… ><~

Anyway, the three of us went for dinner, and then they were discussing where we should sit down and strum/sing together.  In the end, they tried to sit in a corner in Wilkie’s Edge, but we got shoo-ed away by the security guard.  XD  It was darn embarrassing but funny at the same time!  In the end we ended up sitting at the alfresco area at Han’s.  But we didn’t get to sing a lot coz no one brought any scores.  =X  Trying to play while looking at the scores on iPhone isn’t the best thing to do, you know?

Oh yeah, in case you don’t know yet, I’ve actually bought a guitar (a cheapo, classical guitar for now).  My colleague Kelvin has a band on his own, and upon my plea for some guitar help, he accompanied me to one of the shops during lunch time and picked/tested a guitar for me.  He also offered to teach me a few basics too.  And another guy Paul (whom I had yet to meet up at that point of time) from the forum gave me a link on the web to a picture where it shows all the guitar chords.  Sigh~  I’m so glad I got to know all these people.  They are so helpful and encouraging.  :3

Then I met up with YC again on Sunday for a karaoke session, together with Weisiang and Weicong (no they aren’t brothers XD).  Paul was a little late, but he joined us as well.  It was so fun singing with them!  And really, they can sing really, really well, especially Weisiang.  Damn…. he was so good!  Can’t believe such a puny body packed such a mean punch when it comes to singing!  I really hope he could live his dream eventually as a singer.  He can do it!  =D  And did I mention how adorable he looks?  LOL!  He looks like 15~16 years old only, when he’s already 21.  Haha! I wish he’s my little brother!  I’d definitely dote on him if I have a little brother like that.  Maybe I could ask mom if she’s willing to take in a god-son.  XD

WS had to leave a little early after dinner as he had a family dinner waiting for him back home, so YC, Paul, WC and me decided to go for some Chinese desserts, and then YC drove us to Esplanade Bay where he parked and we went down to the Marina Bay Link Mall to take a look at the new underground “mall”.  It was a fine place (fine, as in, you know – high class), with lots of high-end restaurants.  And a lot of expats.  :P  We chose a small cosy corner at Marble Slab Creamery, where Paul played YC’s guitar while YC ate his second dessert of the day – ice cream.   Again, there were some pretty serious discussions about music, and I got to witness how good Paul is when it comes to guitar.  He really kinda inspired me to go learn proper theory (which I’m still deciding if I should take proper lessons or not), and to reach his standard of playing the guitar some day.  Too bad he’s gonna go on a 2-year round-the-world trip next month already…. otherwise I’d love to join more of such discussion on music (like last night) and to take some guitar lessons from him as well.  Sigh.  Well, in 2 years’ time when he’s back… hopefully I’m still playing the instrument and hopefully I’ve improved enough then to really play with them!  XD

Back to guitar practices!  I can feel the blisters coming out ><~!

I’ve been repeating Terry Lin’s (林志炫) 没离开过 (Chinese version of ‘I Surrender’) for a couple of hours already… For the first few hours, I was just busy admiring his crazy vocals and stamina. And then after I Googled for the lyrics, and… and I teared up. o_O PMS -_-? 或是我其实是希望如果有一天我回头看，也可以看到你在我身后等着我，没离开过？我这么想。。。很自私吧？ :(

Anyway, here’s the lyrics to the song:

我曾爱过 也失去过 尝过爱的甜与涩
摆脱命运的捉弄 我知道我要什么
有一份难言的感动 用所有情绪揉合
何必再无谓的思索 这世界有什么好值得 如果没有你

我眺望远方的山峰 却错过转弯的路口
蓦然回首 才发现你在等我 没离开过
我寻找大海的尽头 却忽略蜿蜒的河流
当我逆水行舟 你在我左右 推着我走

I know 我太富有 因为爱满足了所有
生命中每个漏洞 你都用真心补缝
Right now 就从这一刻 我要拥你在怀中
给你加倍的温柔 为你唱一首专属的情歌 请听我说

我眺望远方的山峰 却错过转弯的路口
蓦然回首 才发现你在等我 没离开过
我寻找大海的尽头 却忽略蜿蜒的河流
当我逆水行舟 你在我左右 推着我走

喜怒哀乐 捆绑我的 都不再算什么 Baby
让我的世界 以你为轴 快乐你快乐 忧愁你忧愁

我眺望远方的山峰 却错过转弯的路口
蓦然回首 才发现你在等我 没离开过
我寻找大海的尽头 却忽略蜿蜒的河流
当我逆水行舟 你在我左右 陪着我走

Right here right now 让我们一起抬起头
迎接爱 降落 阳光证明这并不是一场梦
Right now 闭上眼用心去感受
有一个声音 它说爱情 没离开过

PS: On a side note, I’m still two-minds about going back to World of Warcraft… Should I? =/

太强了。真的太强了。我听了都傻眼了。 @_@

Is he even human @@?  For a guy to be able to reach that key and sing like that… with such stamina… D:  I’m… just… speechless… D:

This is his full Mandarin rendition of the song:

Sorry I can’t get enough of his version of this song… here’s one more:

Same song, sang live, AGAIN… and it’s just as astonishing as ever.

OMG…. How can anyone sing so perfectly, considering its LIVE?!

HE IS NOT HUMAN. @_@

PRO!!!!!  <3 <3 <3  His version of 浮夸 here is much better than his 星光’s version… :3