31st December 2014

Last day of the year!

Looking back this year, I realised I haven’t really accomplished anything.  Then again, every year’s the same.  =x

The highlights:

  • The Taiwan trip in June.  Didn’t get to really explore Taipei the way I wanted, but I’m sure there’s always a chance to go again.  =)
  • A roadtrip to Malacca early this year.  I’ve never done a road trip before, but unfortunately this is the first and the last one.  Big thanks to xdd for being the “driver”.  Otherwise, even if I have the money, there won’t be anyone driving me there lol.  It was definitely a fun and unique experience.
  • Managed to survive another year in this company, doing this job.
  • Managed to survive another year without dying. Like, literally.

The downs:

  • Hurt the person who loves me the most.  I’m sorry…
  • Being sick almost every month.
  • Currently suffering from IBS (I guess it’s turning chronic), thanks to one of the antibiotics courses which I’d taken while I was sick.
  • Had bilateral cysts, which thankfully went away after a course of hormonal pills.  Got a feeling they are back though.  Need to drop by the gynae soon…
  • Fell hard on my butt twice.  The second time was really bad and I got a feeling I’ve hurt my tailbone.  Gonna ask Dr Robin if I should go get my spine x-rayed.
  • Didn’t get to go anywhere overseas in the second half of 2014.  I was all drained and almost dying from all the routine stuff at work…
  • The spots on my cornea just keep reappearing. I’ve been on Cyclosporin for almost the entire year of 2014… when can I stop putting stuff into my eye…?

Now I’m just hoping that I’ll be less sickly, that I can find some sense of satisfaction in my job, that my cornea would stop fighting the dead virus and live harmoniously with it.

I’m really tired with year 2014.  I really do hope year 2015 will be better, but for some reason I’m not that optimistic about it.  LOL.  We’ll see, eh?  We’ll see.

Meanwhile, have a awesome day on this last day of 2014.  Spend the time with the one you love, hold their hands when counting down to the new year, for there’s a myth that says couples who countdown together, stay together (for that year anyway).  For singles, spend the time with your family, and be glad that everyone made it through this year.

I’m glad I made it through this year too.

Happy new year, my friends.  May 2015 be an awesome year for everyone.  =)

New Year Resolutions (In advance)

In all honesty, I have no idea why I am blogging about new year resolutions, when I don’t usually have any.  XD

All the past years when I did have some resolutions, I ended up not sticking to them anyway, so… what’s the point?

Instead of “resolutions”, why don’t I replace it with “wishes”?

So my New Year Wishes for 2015 are:-

1)  “Kaboom” less often (i.e. control my temper better)

2)  Gossip less in office, voice out lesser (hey all the feng shui stuff are saying that I shouldn’t be too vocal at work next year)

3)  Curb that travel bug!

4)  Be a more understanding partner

5)  Scream at my parents less often (oh yeah, this is hard especially if my Dad keeps smoking in the toilet =_=)

6)  Going to gym more often, maybe.  Now that I’ve got a spanking new gym bag!  Need to make use of it right?!

7)  Clear my computer table at some point, shift the printer to the upper level so that I can get a new rig with dual monitors!  Hur hur hur.  =x

Okay the list is getting depressingly long.

I’m also getting sick of my work.  Maybe I should add “look for a new job (maybe)” to the list as well?  >__>

Ugh I’m bored at work.  Obviously.  Otherwise I wouldn’t be blogging so actively lately…

 

Three more days to 2015

On a sombre note, I’m hoping that the missing AirAsia flight can be found soon so that there’s at least some closure for the family.  There should be less questions and doubts this time as there’s nothing really out of the ordinary happening to the flight (except asking for a different route due to bad weather).  Keeping my fingers crossed that the weather would be good tomorrow so that SAR can be continued.

On a personal note…

Cleared most of the blog links as those friends are not maintaining their blogs anymore anyway.  Gotta clear the clutter out of my blog as the new year is coming!

Went to Icy_Sheep’s wedding today with Bear.  It was so fun as usual, to see Bear and the rest of the Icy (Eugene, Ben, Chong, etc) joke and banter away.  They are really priceless entertainment, I tell you.  XD  I’m just perfectly contented being in the background and laughing at their jokes (usually at someone’s expense LOL).  And this is the first time I’ve ever tried a champagne and thinks it really tastes great!  It’s the Brown Brothers Moscato Rose, and honestly it’s THE BEST champagne/sparking wine that I’ve tried.

Wanted to blog about the new year resolutions but… I guess I’ll leave that for another day.  Need to head to bed!  Ugh, 3 more days to year end closing. Bleh….

 

Flickr Pro, or 500px?

First wave of dizziness for the day = 10:00AM

Initially wanted to continue tracking to see if there’s a pattern to my dizziness/nausea “attacks”, but decided to give up on it lol.

Hmm, currently wondering if I should keep my Flickr Pro account, or should I terminate it and migrate all my photos there to 500px instead?

Both pro accounts are priced at USD25 per year, for unlimited uploads/sizes.  I have to admit 500px has a much more beautiful UI, but I’m kinda used to Flickr and I really don’t know if I want to shift ALL my photos over.  That’s really a hell lot of photos we are talking about!

Decisions decisions…

Burnt out!

I need my holidays, dammit.

I’ve only got ONE overseas vacation this year, and it was the Taiwan trip in June.  I’m feeling so burnt out at work now and I’m totally dreading the days. My boss and supervisor had been asking me “Are you all right?” and “Why are you looking so dead?  Is something wrong?” during the appraisal, and I simply got no answer for them except “I’m burnt out, I think”.

Yes, seriously.

I like mundane, routine work.  I don’t really like things that challenge my brain.  Haha.  My brain CAN work if it has to.  It just doesn’t like to.  So it’s perfectly fine doing the work that I’m doing now.  Requires a bit of brainwork here and there – but still manageable for the time being.  It’s just that… I need to recharge every now and then for doing these same things over and over again.

Beginning of the month (for two weeks) – Work my ass off to do closing for the previous month.

Third and fourth week of the month – Work on the piling invoices in our e-system as well as the physical ones.

Then the cycle repeats.  Day in, day out, month in, month out.

Yes like I said, I’m fine doing the routine work.  BUT I NEED MY BREAKS.  I NEED MY VACATIONS.

Gah.  =_=

And then things got worse when one week of vacation / away from work = THOUSANDS of e-invoices in the system pending for your return.  *faints*  I had to lug my Alienware brick for overseas holidays as I need to clear these invoices at night WHILE vacationing.  Not that I mind, but it DOES dampen the holiday mood a little.  But if I don’t, it’ll dampen the holiday mood even further as there’s this nagging worry at the back of my mind that I won’t be able to clear the backlog when I get back to work.

BUT!

There seems to be good news in the pipeline….

According to my colleague (who spoke to another colleague in a different department), she had been asked by my boss to concentrate fully on invoices only.  I’ll have to be brutally honest here, she’s really too slow and totally couldn’t cope with what the rest of us are doing, despite her being a “senior” and working in this work scope for a year already.  Heck, even our NEW colleague who came in for just about 3 months is performing way better than her.  She’s totally lost in all the concepts and calculations – and it makes one wonder why is she even holding the “senior” title.  Like seriously, just because the rest of us are senior too?  Yeah she was senior back then in payments team, but why the hell did the company give her the same title when she transferred over to a totally NEW capacity?

OK sorry for the rant, but this is something I felt unfair since the beginning.

Anyway, according to her, she has agreed to fully take on the AP role, aka only concentrates on processing invoices.  There are six of us doing the same portfolio (just that everyone has their own list of vessels to care for), and according to her, the only male colleague, the new colleague and I will be FULLY concentrating on just the vessel accounting/reporting.  We will NOT need to touch invoices anymore, as they will be done by this colleague. The other two ladies will still maintain their responsibilities – doing both AP and reporting.  The catch is probably the three of us will have more vessels to work on as this slow colleague’s portfolio will be given and shared among us.

I’m hoping that this will really be executed as planned, BECAUSE THAT MEANS I CAN GO ON MY HOLIDAYS WITHOUT HAVING TO LUG A LAPTOP ALONG.  Although this also means that the first two weeks of the month will even be busier than ever, the downside is we’ll be slacking (like, really slacking) for the third and fourth week………..

Oh well we’ll see how this pans out to be.  For now I’m just hoping this will really be happening, coz I don’t wanna go buy a laptop just to bring for work when I’m supposed to be overseas holidaying…. >_<

 

Untitled

*picks up the pieces carefully*

Because some things are worth bleeding for.

 
*puts them together into a kiln, throw in some special glass resin, and turns on the high heat despite it gonna be real uncomfortable*

Because some people are worth putting down the pride for.

 
*watches the glass pieces fused and meld together again as one*

Because at the end it will result in something that will be stronger in fundamentals, and more beautiful in an abstract way.

 

 

And I believe that it will be. :)

感触

Re-read my older blog entries.  All the way from year 2002 onwards…

From when I was still with Ryan, to breaking off with him, and then with Reko, and then breaking off with Reko…

And of course, the many things that happened within these 12 years.

There are many things that I’ve long forgotten… and when I read about them in my entries, I was like, “….? That happened? Why can’t I remember?”  LOL… proof that my memory is deteriorating, I guess.

There are some things that I still remember fondly.  There are some things that I remembered but I wish I could forget.  There are some that I simply don’t remember.  At all.

All these twelve years… what would haunt me forever?  Probably the fact that I’ve hurt Reko, the person who love me the most. We were so certain back then that we would be together forever. His feelings for me probably is still the same as it was 10 years ago. There were some stuff that happened in between these years, but his feelings never wavered – while mine did.

Although one should always look forward in life and not keep dwelling in the past, sometimes I do wonder – what really happened?

But then, what good it is even if I manage to find the answer to that question?  Would it bring the feelings back?  Can anything be changed now?

Feelings were gone; hurtful words were spoken (by me); and the pain I gave him (twice – when I broke up with him and when I told him I have someone in my life now) was something that I doubt he can really recover from, at least not for the time being.  Looking and thinking back the times we were together, it’s really unfair for him to be suffering from all these pain.  But it’s not fair for me either to keep dragging this and giving him false hopes.

I really have no other words to say to him except for “sorry”. Even then, I know it’s not enough, it’s not what he wanted to hear.  I can only hope he’s still doing OK now, and hopefully another door would open for him after this door is closed.

The elderly would say, “It’s always best to choose the person who love you more, instead of choosing the person you love more. 被爱是幸福的,爱人是痛苦的。”

But what they didn’t know is 被爱也会痛苦的,尤其是你不爱那个人.  The guilt will slowly eat you up while your heart is with another person.

Where do we go (Reko and I) from here?

I really hope he would slowly get over me, go out work or really get his company start up and hire some people.  Go out there and get to know more people, and hopefully find someone who really loves him for who he is.  He’s really a good, soft hearted person.  He really deserves to be loved by someone who can love him wholeheartedly, and not hurt him like I did.  And I hope by then, we can be friends again.

…….

Feels kinda good to get this out of my system.

Little Things…

She sat there, and waited. She knew he couldn’t come. But still she waited, for there’s a flame of hope still burning in her heart. Maybe he’d come after he finished his stuff. And so, she waited.

For two hours, she just sat there, watching the clouds flew by… watching the people come and go. Slowly, the flame began flickering.

Maybe… he doesn’t even want to come.

As she sat there, staring at the white fluffy clouds, she finally accepted the reality. No matter how long she waited… he wouldn’t be there. All she wanted was just a glimpse of him… but even that, she guessed, was a little too much to ask for. The flame flickered for the last time, and went out.

She stood up… and smoothed her skirt. It’s time to go… She glanced about the place for the last time. It’s perhaps for the best, she thought. Dejectedly, she turned her head and slowly make her way home…



Have you ever loved someone and they had absolutely no idea whatsoever?

Have you ever denied your feelings for someone because your fear of rejection was too hard to handle?

We tell lies when we are afraid… afraid of what we don’t know, afraid of what others will think, afraid of what will be found out about us.

But every time we tell a lie…the thing we fear grows stronger.

Have you ever noticed that the worst way to miss someone is when they are right beside you and yet you can never have them…when the moment you can’t feel them under your fingertips you miss them?

Have you ever wondered which hurts the most; saying something and wishing you had not, or saying nothing and wishing you had?

I guess the most important things are the hardest things to say.

Don’t be afraid to tell someone you love them. If you do, they might break your heart… but if you don’t, you might break theirs.

Have you ever decided not to become a couple because you were so afraid of losing what you already had with that person?

Your heart decides who it likes and who it doesn’t. You can’t tell your heart what to do.

It does it on its own… when you least suspect it, or even when you don’t want it to.

Have you ever wanted to love someone with everything you had, but that other person was too afraid to let you?

Too many of us stay walled because we are too afraid to care too much…for fear that the other person does not care as much, or at all.

Life is all about risks and it requires you to jump.

Don’t be a person who has to look back and wonder what they would have, or could have had.

No one waits forever…



I’ve learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in…

I’ve learned that one good turn gets most of the blankets.

I’ve learned that no matter how much I care, some people are just jackasses.

I’ve learned that it takes years to build up trust, and it only takes suspicion, not proof, to destroy it.

I’ve learned that whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.

I’ve learned that you shouldn’t compare yourself to others – they are more screwed up than you think.

I’ve learned that depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

I’ve learned that it is not what you wear; it is how you take it off.

I’ve learned that you can keep vomiting long after you think you’re finished.

I’ve learned to not sweat the petty things, and not pet the sweaty things. I’ve learned that ex’s are like fungus, and keep coming back. I’ve learned age is a very high price to pay for maturity.

I’ve learned that I don’t suffer from insanity, I enjoy it.

I’ve learned that we are responsible for what we do, unless we are celebrities.

I’ve learned that artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

I’ve learned that 99% of the time when something isn’t working in your house, one of your kids did it.

I’ve learned that there is a fine line between genius and insanity.

I’ve learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon and all the less important ones just never go away. And the real pains in the ass are permanent.



Heartwarmers

1. It hurts to love someone and not be loved in return, but what is the most painful is to love someone and never finding the courage to let the person know how you feel.

2. Love is when you take away the feeling, the passion, the romance – and you find out you still care for that person.

3. Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one so that when we finally meet the right one, we should know how to be grateful for that gift.

4. The best kind of friend is the one you could sit on a porch, swing with, never say a word, and then walk away feeling like that was the best conversation you’ve had.

5. A sad thing about life is that when you meet someone who means a lot to you only to find out in the end that it was never meant to be and you just have to let go.

6. Giving someone all your love is never an assurance that they’ll love you back! Don’t expect love in return, just wait for it to grow in their hearts but if it doesn’t, be content it grew in yours.

7. When one door of happiness closes, another opens but often we look so long at the closed door that we don’t see the one which has been opened for us.

8. There are things you love to hear but you would never hear it from the person whom you would like to hear it from, but don’t be deaf to hear it from the person who says it with his heart.

9. It’s true that we don’t know what we’ve got until we lose it, but it’s also true that we don’t know what we’ve been missing until it arrives.

10. Love comes to those who still hope even though they’ve been disappointed, to those who still believe even though they’ve been betrayed. We need to love those who still love even though they’ve been hurt before.

11. Never say goodbye when you still want to try – never give up when you still feel you can take it – never say you don’t love that person anymore when you can’t let go.

12. Don’t go for looks, it can deceive; Don’t go for wealth – even that fades away. Go for someone who makes you smile coz only a smile makes a dark day seem bright.

13. It takes a minute to have a crush on someone, an hour to like someone and a day to love someone – but it takes a lifetime to forget someone.

14. Dream what you want to dream; Go where you want to go; Be what you want to be coz you have only one life and one chance to do all the things you want in life.

15. There are moments in life when you really miss someone so bad that you want to pick them from your dreams and hug them for real! Hope you dream of that someone. =)

16. May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human, enough hope to make you happy and enough money to buy me gifts! *evil grinz*

17. Always put yourself in other’s shoes. If you feel that it hurts you, it probably does hurt the person too.

18. The beginning of love is to let those we love be perfectly themselves, and not to twist them with our own image – otherwise, we love only the reflection of ourselves we find in them.

19. A careless word may kindle strife; A cruel word may wreck a life; A timely word may level stress; A loving word may heal and bless.

20. The happiest of people don’t necessarily have the best of everything; They just make the most of everything that comes along their way.

21. When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling. Live your life so that when you die, you’re smiling and everyone around you is crying.

22. Happiness lies for those who cry, those who hurt, those who have searched and those who have tried. For only they can appreciate the importance of people who have touched their lives.

23. Love starts with a smile, develops with a kiss and ends with a tear.

 

– No title –

Holy cow.  All the recent photos on my blog are about food.

Food, food and more food.

Damn it, no wonder the numbers on my weighing scale are going so ever slightly up every time I step on it.

But then again… YOLO.

=D