So end up it’ll still be Bruno going with me for the Dec Japan trip.

Air tickets bought, hotels booked, itinerary all done up.

But this will be the last time I’m travelling with him.

I’m really more keen on heading to Japan myself, but my mom still refused to let me travel on my own. Due to the recent earthquakes happening in Japan and in Taiwan, she has even been trying to dissuade me from heading to Japan – we almost had a large quarrel last evening regarding this.

I’m really tired of justifying to everyone why I’m insisting on heading to Japan despite knowing the risk of the Nankai mega quake happening soon. I only have one thing to say: I’d rather die without regrets than to live with regrets. It doesn’t matter if you don’t feel the same way, but please don’t impose your ideals on me. I’m not gonna change my mind about this. I will suspend my trips when the probability of the quake happening within the next 3 years is more than 50%, and it’s not anywhere near this probability yet.

Now, about work…

Liwen and Angie have both been axed from the company. Yup. You read that right… Axed. Terminated. Not even retrenched… but terminated. Gosh. I remembered I was just sitting there, stunned, when Karen broke the news to me in the meeting room. First thought that came to me is, why? I mean, I know my CFO didn’t like them, I know my two FMs had been quite stubborn and didn’t grabbed the chances to shine in front of the CFO when they should, yes I know my CFO had long felt they were not performing to his expectations, but I honestly didn’t expect a termination. It’s so… out of the blue. The rest of the VAs were then being asked to come into the meeting room and well…. they took the news quite hard. All 3 of them were in shock for a few seconds, before they broke down and cried. They finished that packet of pocket tissue which I had on me, and I had to go grab a box of tissues in for them. I’m not surprised with their reaction, even though I don’t see why is there a need to cry.

I mean, I know they were very close with LW and AZ, but we can always ask them out for dinner to catch up if there’s a need to. But then again… I guess they relied on both of them a lot to tank for us. I relied a whole lot on LW too – all the reports that I used for analysis were generated by her. Without her around, I wouldn’t be as efficient as I was for the past two years. Sure, work goes on, I’m very sure I could still meet deadlines and generate reports myself for analysis (though her reports were definitely way better in terms of visuals and efficiency), but honestly, I’ll miss her. She has been such a great manager to work with – extremely understanding, knowledgeable and always willing to share her knowledge with us. I really think it’s the company’s loss to lose such an employee like her, but I also know the management have their reasons doing so… and that LW also is contemplating of leaving the company too. She has been unhappy with the management (apparently this unhappiness goes both ways) and feels she’s not being appreciated (though she understands that we VAs appreciate her loads). She has continued to stick around because of us, and to be absolutely very frank, I think she probably felt somewhat relieved that she can leave this place sooner than expected. If this company doesn’t appreciate her, then she’s better off in some other company where her skillset is being valued. I really do miss her a lot, but… life goes on. Work goes on.

Karen has promised us that our work scope remains the same for now. Vanessa has promised us that we will not merge with Compliance for now (she knows we dislike CB and wouldn’t want her to be our lead). I’m not sure how this will go, but…. we’ll deal with the issues one step at a time, one day at a time. I’m sure we’ll be able to get through this.

It’s been quite mentally draining these few weeks. I don’t like to dwell on negative feelings, but can’t help feeling slightly down due to all the above issues – the unexpected exits of my FMs, my Mom’s constant nagging and dissuasion regarding my upcoming Japan trip… sigh. I’m sure I’ll be fine after awhile.

I’m back in contact with Miles (whom I stopped corresponding with last year). Because, well, he seems to be really sincere in maintaining the friendship… I wasn’t too keen to chat with him on WeChat (partly because I don’t think we have much common topics to chat about), so since I’m back on Slowly, may as well revert to communicating and keeping the friendship alive via letters again. It’s so extremely rare for me to meet an online penpal in person and to have met his Dad in person as well… so, I guess I should cherish this weird 缘分…