Re-read my older blog entries. \u00a0All the way from year 2002 onwards…<\/p>\n
From when I was still with Ryan, to breaking off with him, and then with Reko, and then breaking off with Reko…<\/p>\n
And of course, the many things that happened within these 12 years.<\/p>\n
There are many things that I’ve long forgotten… and when I read about them in my entries, I was like, “….? That happened? Why can’t I remember?” \u00a0LOL… proof that my memory is deteriorating, I guess.<\/p>\n
There are some things that I still remember fondly. \u00a0There are some things that I remembered but I wish I could forget. \u00a0There are some that I simply don’t remember. \u00a0At all.<\/p>\n
All these twelve years… what would haunt me forever? \u00a0Probably the fact that I’ve hurt Reko, the person who love me the most. We were so certain back then that we would be together forever. His feelings for me probably is still the same as it was 10 years ago. There were some stuff that happened in between these years, but his feelings never wavered – while mine did.<\/p>\n
Although one should always look forward in life and not keep dwelling in the past, sometimes I do wonder – what really happened?<\/p>\n
But then, what good it is even if I manage to find the answer to that question? \u00a0Would it bring the feelings back? \u00a0Can anything be changed now?<\/p>\n
Feelings were gone; hurtful words were spoken (by me); and the pain I gave him (twice – when I broke up with him and when I told him I have someone in my life now) was something that I doubt he can really recover from, at least not for the time being. \u00a0Looking and thinking back the times we were together, it’s really unfair for him to be suffering from all these pain. \u00a0But it’s not fair for me either to keep dragging this and giving him false hopes.<\/p>\n
I really have no other words to say to him except for “sorry”. Even then, I know it’s not enough, it’s not what he wanted to hear. \u00a0I can only hope he’s still doing OK now, and hopefully another door would open for him after this door is closed.<\/p>\n
The elderly would say, “It’s always best to choose the person who love you more, instead of choosing the person you love more. \u88ab\u7231\u662f\u5e78\u798f\u7684\uff0c\u7231\u4eba\u662f\u75db\u82e6\u7684\u3002”<\/p>\n
But what they didn’t know is \u88ab\u7231\u4e5f\u4f1a\u75db\u82e6\u7684\uff0c\u5c24\u5176\u662f\u4f60\u4e0d\u7231\u90a3\u4e2a\u4eba. \u00a0The guilt will slowly eat you up while your heart is with another person.<\/p>\n
Where do we go (Reko and I) from here?<\/p>\n
I really hope he would slowly get over me, go out work or really get his company start up and hire some people. \u00a0Go out there and get to know more people, and hopefully find someone who really loves him for who he is. \u00a0He’s really a good, soft hearted person. \u00a0He really deserves to be loved by someone who can love him wholeheartedly, and not hurt him like I did. \u00a0And I hope by then, we can be friends again.<\/p>\n
…….<\/p>\n
Feels kinda good to get this out of my system.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Re-read my older blog entries. \u00a0All the way from year 2002 onwards… From when I was still with Ryan, to breaking off with him, and then with Reko, and then breaking off with Reko… And of course, the many things that happened within these 12 years. There are many things that I’ve long forgotten… and…<\/span><\/p>\n