Can’t believe that half of 2011 has just passed by… just like that. \u00a0It’s already June now.<\/p>\n
Six months have gone… and I’m now actually more convinced that my decision back then has been the right one. \u00a0I know I’ve been skirting the issue here on my blog… so I’m gonna come clean this time.<\/p>\n
I’ve ended my relationship with Reko since last year December. \u00a0There were a lot of stuff that happened which I did not blog here, but none of them were actually too negative or bad or whatsoever. \u00a0At least none was as traumatic as my first relationship anyway. \u00a0I ended it mostly due to the clashes in our thinking, cultural differences, and certain personal (i.e. my own) issue which I couldn’t get over with. \u00a0Yup, I still flew to Finland in January to sit down with him and talk about this. \u00a0I owe him that much… and it wasn’t my intention to tell him my decision over the internet anyway. \u00a0He understood (at least I hope he does) where I’m coming from, and I guess it was an amicable split. \u00a0I know it was an extreme difficult and shocking decision for him, but I also know there’s no way I can make it less painful…<\/p>\n
We are still friends, no doubt about that. \u00a0I’m just trying to chat lesser with him as I’m quite sure he hasn’t quite gotten over the entire thing yet. \u00a0I’m not even sure if he has understood the simple fact that it’s over between us. \u00a0It just feels like… he’s somewhat still harbouring hope that there’s a chance for us to get back together. \u00a0Initially I was wondering about the same question… is there a second chance for us somewhere down the road? \u00a0Maybe, maybe not… For now, I just feel that it’s not possible anymore.<\/p>\n
Maybe it’s the way I’ve always restrain\/restrict myself when I was in a relationship… I felt a lot more free as a single. \u00a0I can hang out with anyone I wish, no matter if it’s a guy or girl. \u00a0I can hang out with him\/her\/them as long as I want without having to worry that someone’s gonna get jealous or upset. I’m not saying Reko had felt all that – I just feel that if I’m in a relationship, I should consider my partner’s feelings… kinda. \u00a0So yeah, I’m the one who restricted myself, in a way…<\/p>\n
As you can read from my earlier entries, I watched movies alone, dine alone, go karaoke alone… and I thoroughly enjoy doing all these alone. \u00a0And then I met new people from the KTV thread in one of the forums that I frequent, and one of them has become a really good friend of mine now. \u00a0Those who really knew me know that I don’t classify people as my “good” or “close” friends that easily… but yeah, I would consider him as a very close friend. \u00a0Someone whom I felt extremely comfortable hanging out with; someone whom I can share my problems with. \u00a0With him, I don’t need to put on any mask, I don’t need to pretend to be someone whom I’m not… And it’s all very surprising because this guy is almost a decade younger than me. \u00a0I would expect some form of age gap – wait, actually there is, but it’s not that big of a problem as we are always joking about it – but hey, I realised I could click with him far better than anyone else and I enjoy his company very much, despite his little quirks here and there. \u00a0:x<\/p>\n
Maybe it’s because it’s practically impossible to have any kind of romantic notion between us, I don’t know. \u00a0 I just felt “safe” going out with him, so to speak. \u00a0I don’t need to put on my best front, I don’t need to worry that I’ll fall in love with him or vice versa. \u00a0Seriously… I don’t think I’ll ever want to go into a relationship with someone younger than me anymore. \u00a0Okay, age is just a number, some might say… but at some point, you’ll realise that it does affect the thinking of the person. \u00a0Unless someone can really convince me otherwise, that’ll be my stand at the moment.<\/p>\n
At some point… this friendship may end. \u00a0But well, to quote him, “let’s just enjoy each other’s company till then!”. \u00a0xD<\/p>\n
One thing’s for sure. \u00a0I’m not looking out for any guys, nor do I want to go into a relationship again, at least in the near future. \u00a0I’m tired. \u00a0And to be honest, I think I’m just not suited to be in a relationship. \u00a0Some of my friends tell me that I shouldn’t close myself off to any possible\/potential guys… but ugh…. nah. \u00a0I’m really still too tired.<\/p>\n
Oops, I’m running late for a meet up. \u00a0I’ll probably continue this some other time… maybe not. \u00a0D: \u00a0LOL, we’ll see..<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Can’t believe that half of 2011 has just passed by… just like that. \u00a0It’s already June now. Six months have gone… and I’m now actually more convinced that my decision back then has been the right one. \u00a0I know I’ve been skirting the issue here on my blog… so I’m gonna come clean this time.…<\/span><\/p>\n