简单。人生。爱。

每个人都有选择。

你可以选择你要如何过你的人生。你可以选择你要怎样的爱情。你可以选择你要以什么心态来面对每一天。

每一样都是一个选择。

我选择了简单人生,简单爱。

简单,看似容易,但要真正的简单,其实很难。

简单人生。我不需要荣华富贵。我不需要名牌包包,不需要豪宅,不需要私家车。我不需要十千元的月薪。只要我能吃饱,住好,穿好,不用为明天的开销而愁,那就够了。我不喜欢喧闹,不喜欢与他人争论是与非。我只要简简单单的过我自己的生活,这样就好了。

真的。

简单爱。这是我想要的,可是却是我不知道我能不能做到的。

我不需要轰轰烈烈的爱情。真的,我不需要。我只要有一个人呵护我,包容我,照顾我,一生陪着我,分享苦与乐。我不需要每天打情骂俏,不需要每天听到一句“我爱你”,可是我需要每天沟通。我可以不用每天见到那个人,但我需要每天跟他聊天。

我找到了一个我以为是最适合我的人。他虽然抽烟喝酒,但他不需要性爱,他脚踏实地,忠厚老实。他说他愿意一辈子陪伴我,不会要求什么。

他,也追求着简单人生,简单爱。

我们,似乎拥有类似的思想与目标。但其实,打从心深处说,也许- 或许- 我们其实没那么相像。

我要的爱情,你可能不能给。曾经爱我的人,都会觉得疲累。我这个人,不好爱吧?对我来说的简单爱,对其他人来说是一种负担。也许你也开始慢慢了解这负担是什么意思了吧。

你要的爱情,我也不知道我能不能做到。你不要婚姻,不要困扰,不要浮躁,不要吵闹。我努力说服自己,婚姻不重要。当朋友问起我时,我很努力地为你辩护,替你解释为什么你不想要婚姻。在辩解的当儿,我也说我不介意。

有时,当你重复撒着一个谎,你会发现,你已经不知道那是不是还是个谎,还是已经是真实的了?

我需要婚姻吗?为了留住你在我身边,我说我不需要。但我真的不需要吗?我不知道。我真的不知道。

我明白你为什么不想要。我理解的。我也很努力地在说服我自己,告诉自己婚姻真的不重要。最重要的是两个人可以互相信任,互相扶持,真心的爱着彼此。

我在努力。我很努力了。

你不喜欢我的脾气,我告诉我自己,如果想要把你留在身边,我就得改。我也很努力的尝试着改。但我很怕,还是很怕,如果我改不了呢?

这一刹那,我忽然间觉悟了。

爱一个人,是接纳他/她的全部,无论是好,还是坏。你不会想要去改变他/她,更不会希望对方会为了你而改。

如果在爱情里连做自己都不可以,那算是什么样的爱情。。。?

我矛盾。我该不该做回我自己,但却会失去你?还是我该改变我自己来留住你?

 

 

我想要的简单爱 –

我以为我们之间存在的简单爱 –

忽然间变得 –

很不简单。

 

 

Untitled

I rather be hated for who i am than loved for who i am not.
Life is simple you make choices and dun look back.
When it is the end, you move on.
All good thing always comes to an end.
Hope only brings Pain.

 

Your status back in October.  How ironic and apt that it applies to me more now. =]

Hello 2015!

Happy new year!

It’s 2015 already! Hope its gonna be an awesome year for everyone!

I know my Bear’s gonna have a tough time for the first few months, but I know he’ll pull through all obstacles and get his jobs done nicely. *hugs* You’ve got my support, dear!

Hope what we have between us will be stronger this year. I love you, and I certainly hope there’ll be more New Year fireworks to come, that we’ll be watching together. ^_^

31st December 2014

Last day of the year!

Looking back this year, I realised I haven’t really accomplished anything.  Then again, every year’s the same.  =x

The highlights:

  • I’ve found my life partner.  Just hope that I won’t do anything to drive him away.
  • The Taiwan trip in June.  Didn’t get to really explore Taipei the way I wanted, but I’m sure there’s always a chance to go again.  =)
  • A roadtrip to Malacca early this year.  I’ve never done a road trip before, but unfortunately this is the first and the last one.  Big thanks to xdd for being the “driver”.  Otherwise, even if I have the money, there won’t be anyone driving me there lol.  It was definitely a fun and unique experience.
  • Managed to survive another year in this company, doing this job.
  • Managed to survive another year without dying. Like, literally.

The downs:

  • Hurt the person who loves me the most.  I’m sorry…
  • Being sick almost every month.
  • Currently suffering from IBS (I guess it’s turning chronic), thanks to one of the antibiotics courses which I’d taken while I was sick.
  • Had bilateral cysts, which thankfully went away after a course of hormonal pills.  Got a feeling they are back though.  Need to drop by the gynae soon…
  • Fell hard on my butt twice.  The second time was really bad and I got a feeling I’ve hurt my tailbone.  Gonna ask Dr Robin if I should go get my spine x-rayed.
  • Didn’t get to go anywhere overseas in the second half of 2014.  I was all drained and almost dying from all the routine stuff at work…
  • The spots on my cornea just keep reappearing. I’ve been on Cyclosporin for almost the entire year of 2014… when can I stop putting stuff into my eye…?

Now I’m just hoping that I’ll be less sickly, that I can find some sense of satisfaction in my job, that my cornea would stop fighting the dead virus and live harmoniously with it.

I’m really tired with year 2014.  I really do hope year 2015 will be better, but for some reason I’m not that optimistic about it.  LOL.  We’ll see, eh?  We’ll see.

Meanwhile, have a awesome day on this last day of 2014.  Spend the time with the one you love, hold their hands when counting down to the new year, for there’s a myth that says couples who countdown together, stay together (for that year anyway).  For singles, spend the time with your family, and be glad that everyone made it through this year.

I’m glad I made it through this year too.

Happy new year, my friends.  May 2015 be an awesome year for everyone.  =)

 

New Year Resolutions (In advance)

In all honesty, I have no idea why I am blogging about new year resolutions, when I don’t usually have any.  XD

All the past years when I did have some resolutions, I ended up not sticking to them anyway, so… what’s the point?

Instead of “resolutions”, why don’t I replace it with “wishes”?

So my New Year Wishes for 2015 are:-

1)  “Kaboom” less often (i.e. control my temper better)

2)  Gossip less in office, voice out lesser (hey all the feng shui stuff are saying that I shouldn’t be too vocal at work next year)

3)  Curb that travel bug!

4)  Be a more understanding partner

5)  Scream at my parents less often (oh yeah, this is hard especially if my Dad keeps smoking in the toilet =_=)

6)  Going to gym more often, maybe.  Now that I’ve got a spanking new gym bag!  Need to make use of it right?!

7)  Clear my computer table at some point, shift the printer to the upper level so that I can get a new rig with dual monitors!  Hur hur hur.  =x

Okay the list is getting depressingly long.

I’m also getting sick of my work.  Maybe I should add “look for a new job (maybe)” to the list as well?  >__>

Ugh I’m bored at work.  Obviously.  Otherwise I wouldn’t be blogging so actively lately…

 

Three more days to 2015

On a sombre note, I’m hoping that the missing AirAsia flight can be found soon so that there’s at least some closure for the family.  There should be less questions and doubts this time as there’s nothing really out of the ordinary happening to the flight (except asking for a different route due to bad weather).  Keeping my fingers crossed that the weather would be good tomorrow so that SAR can be continued.

On a personal note…

Cleared most of the blog links as those friends are not maintaining their blogs anymore anyway.  Gotta clear the clutter out of my blog as the new year is coming!

Went to Icy_Sheep’s wedding today with Bear.  It was so fun as usual, to see Bear and the rest of the Icy (Eugene, Ben, Chong, etc) joke and banter away.  They are really priceless entertainment, I tell you.  XD  I’m just perfectly contented being in the background and laughing at their jokes (usually at someone’s expense LOL).  And this is the first time I’ve ever tried a champagne and thinks it really tastes great!  It’s the Brown Brothers Moscato Rose, and honestly it’s THE BEST champagne/sparking wine that I’ve tried.

Wanted to blog about the new year resolutions but… I guess I’ll leave that for another day.  Need to head to bed!  Ugh, 3 more days to year end closing. Bleh….

 

Tired…

But what a fruitful day!

Met up with my Bear around noon and I brought him to 7kickstart for their famous cold brew, and we had our brunch there.  The food’s not too bad, but I think their cold brew tasted better!  LOL.  Spent at least an hour or so there chatting and he was explaining to me what exactly a server room / data center is all about, how things work etc.  Really an insightful chat session lol.  I’ve learnt quite a lot of stuff in just an hour!  My Bear’s a good teacher.  XD

Then we went to check out where Whale & Cloud exactly is, so that we can go there the next time.  And then we met up with two of Bear’s drinking kakis for dinner.  They are someone I know (by nickname) in the forum, but I’ve never met them until today.  Well, it’s nice knowing them and hopefully they were okay with me around too, even though I didn’t talk much (or at all!).

At least he’s making an effort to intro me his friends, so that I know who’s he’s out with drinking/smoking next time.  I’ve always feel it’s important to let the other party know who you usually go out with, so that there’s that level of trust there.  I know he will need some time off to drink/smoke at certain times in the year, so it’s good to know what kind of company he’ll be with.  And the thing is I’m also comfortable with these two guys that he hangs out with.  So.. all’s good, I guess?  =P

Can’t wait for 23rd and 24th when I can spend the whole day with him!  Wanna hug him forever… heh.

 

Flickr Pro, or 500px?

First wave of dizziness for the day = 10:00AM

Initially wanted to continue tracking to see if there’s a pattern to my dizziness/nausea “attacks”, but decided to give up on it lol.

Hmm, currently wondering if I should keep my Flickr Pro account, or should I terminate it and migrate all my photos there to 500px instead?

Both pro accounts are priced at USD25 per year, for unlimited uploads/sizes.  I have to admit 500px has a much more beautiful UI, but I’m kinda used to Flickr and I really don’t know if I want to shift ALL my photos over.  That’s really a hell lot of photos we are talking about!

Decisions decisions…

Burnt out!

I need my holidays, dammit.

I’ve only got ONE overseas vacation this year, and it was the Taiwan trip in June.  I’m feeling so burnt out at work now and I’m totally dreading the days. My boss and supervisor had been asking me “Are you all right?” and “Why are you looking so dead?  Is something wrong?” during the appraisal, and I simply got no answer for them except “I’m burnt out, I think”.

Yes, seriously.

I like mundane, routine work.  I don’t really like things that challenge my brain.  Haha.  My brain CAN work if it has to.  It just doesn’t like to.  So it’s perfectly fine doing the work that I’m doing now.  Requires a bit of brainwork here and there – but still manageable for the time being.  It’s just that… I need to recharge every now and then for doing these same things over and over again.

Beginning of the month (for two weeks) – Work my ass off to do closing for the previous month.

Third and fourth week of the month – Work on the piling invoices in our e-system as well as the physical ones.

Then the cycle repeats.  Day in, day out, month in, month out.

Yes like I said, I’m fine doing the routine work.  BUT I NEED MY BREAKS.  I NEED MY VACATIONS.

Gah.  =_=

And then things got worse when one week of vacation / away from work = THOUSANDS of e-invoices in the system pending for your return.  *faints*  I had to lug my Alienware brick for overseas holidays as I need to clear these invoices at night WHILE vacationing.  Not that I mind, but it DOES dampen the holiday mood a little.  But if I don’t, it’ll dampen the holiday mood even further as there’s this nagging worry at the back of my mind that I won’t be able to clear the backlog when I get back to work.

BUT!

There seems to be good news in the pipeline….

According to my colleague (who spoke to another colleague in a different department), she had been asked by my boss to concentrate fully on invoices only.  I’ll have to be brutally honest here, she’s really too slow and totally couldn’t cope with what the rest of us are doing, despite her being a “senior” and working in this work scope for a year already.  Heck, even our NEW colleague who came in for just about 3 months is performing way better than her.  She’s totally lost in all the concepts and calculations – and it makes one wonder why is she even holding the “senior” title.  Like seriously, just because the rest of us are senior too?  Yeah she was senior back then in payments team, but why the hell did the company give her the same title when she transferred over to a totally NEW capacity?

OK sorry for the rant, but this is something I felt unfair since the beginning.

Anyway, according to her, she has agreed to fully take on the AP role, aka only concentrates on processing invoices.  There are six of us doing the same portfolio (just that everyone has their own list of vessels to care for), and according to her, the only male colleague, the new colleague and I will be FULLY concentrating on just the vessel accounting/reporting.  We will NOT need to touch invoices anymore, as they will be done by this colleague. The other two ladies will still maintain their responsibilities – doing both AP and reporting.  The catch is probably the three of us will have more vessels to work on as this slow colleague’s portfolio will be given and shared among us.

I’m hoping that this will really be executed as planned, BECAUSE THAT MEANS I CAN GO ON MY HOLIDAYS WITHOUT HAVING TO LUG A LAPTOP ALONG.  Although this also means that the first two weeks of the month will even be busier than ever, the downside is we’ll be slacking (like, really slacking) for the third and fourth week………..

Oh well we’ll see how this pans out to be.  For now I’m just hoping this will really be happening, coz I don’t wanna go buy a laptop just to bring for work when I’m supposed to be overseas holidaying…. >_<