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我知道我们都没有错, 只是放手会比较好过。最美的爱情, 回忆里待续。

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退后
作词:宋健彰
作曲:周杰伦

天空灰得像哭过
离开你以后 并没有 更自由
酸酸的空气 嗅出我们的距离
一幕锥心的结局 像呼吸般无法停息

抽屉泛黄的日记 榨干了回忆
那笑容 是夏季 妳我的过去被顺时针的忘记
缺氧过后的爱情 粗心的眼泪是多余

我知道妳我都没有错 只是忘了怎么退后
信誓旦旦给了承诺 却被时间扑了空

我知道我们都没有错 只是放手会比较好过
最美的爱情 回忆里待续

天空灰得像哭过
离开你以后 并没有 更自由
酸酸的空气 嗅出我们的距离
一幕锥心的结局 像呼吸般无法停息

抽屉泛黄的日记 榨干了回忆
那笑容 是夏季 妳我的过去被顺时针的忘记
缺氧过后的爱情 粗心的眼泪是多余

我知道妳我都没有错 只是忘了怎么退后
信誓旦旦给了承诺 却被时间扑了空

我知道我们都没有错 只是放手会比较好过
最美的爱情 回忆里待续

我知道妳我都没有错 只是忘了怎么退后
信誓旦旦给了承诺 却被时间扑了空

我知道我们都没有错 只是放手会比较好过
最美的爱情 回忆里待续

Simple fun

As usual, spent the whole Saturday with Bear yesterday.  It’s almost like our routine… meet up on Saturday morning, he’ll accompany me to the TCM, then we’ll go somewhere for lunch, then head to some new cafe for coffee, and then dinner.  Sounds boring?  I guess so, but at the same time, we don’t need to specifically find things to do.  We are happy just walking around hand in hand, from one place to another, chatting about nonsensical stuff, exploring small streets and alleys (and I always feel safe with him around), trying out new cafes, etc.

Yesterday, we had lunch at Lowercase @ LaSalle, coffee break at Chye Seng Huat Hardware, and dinner at Rouse.  You can read more about the food and places here. Yup, I’ve updated that blog, lol!

After Rouse, we walked over to Ngee Ann City to take a look at the Gundam fair.  I’ve never watched Gundam, so can’t say I’m a fan of that series.  Their robots looked a little too “old school” for me to appreciate them, lol.  But Bear seems to like Gundam (well he watches A LOT of anime), so I have no problem accompanying him to go take a look.  He always accompany me to look at my stuff anyway.  =) When we reached, he started explaining the different “grades” of Gundam models, pointing this and that out to me.  At the end of the day, I must say I did learn quite a few things about Gundam that I previously didn’t know about.  Well for one, I’ve always thought Gundam robots are similar to Transformers – they have their own intelligence.  But no, they are being piloted! That’s something new for me, lol.  The Gundam merchandise is pretty expensive though.  The official T-shirt cost a freaking SGD300, while the hoodie cost SGD600.  Like seriously?! Wonder if there’s any serious otakus that’d pay that kind of money for a T-shirt….

Meh, didn’t really feel like going to work tomorrow.  It’s been some time since I last felt dread in going to work.  Is this a sign…?

 

Updatessssss

I finally got the entire Hong Kong trip writeup posted! *Phew~*  Head here if you are interested to read about it!

And I’ve got a spanking new keyboard, the Steelseries Apex M800.  All thanks to dearie Bear! It’s my super-advanced birthday present, and he knows I’ve been eyeing it for quite a while already, but its something he knew I’ll never get for myself due to the price tag.  And he actually go buy it when I said I probably needed an illumination keyboard.  But honestly, I was only looking at Ducky keyboards! This Apex M800 is really too expensive, yet he still went ahead to get it for me… >_<

I’ve set the illumination colour to be pink when I’m using it, and the usual wave gradient when it’s on idle.  The only thing is that I’m still trying to get used to the key placements… due to the extra left column of macro buttons.  Even till now, I’m still having problems hitting “a” and tend to hit “CAPS” instead.  Argh.  I guess I still need more time to get used to this…

But really, thanks dearie, for this awesome keyboard!  <3

A quick summary of what had happened the past few weeks :-

  • Celebrated Bear’s birthday in advance with The Line’s buffet – the buffet was so-so.  Not as fantastic as I expected it to be, probably because everyone was saying that it’s probably one of the best buffet in Singapore.  Eh… really?
  • Bought Bear a Ducky blue illumination keyboard
  • Met up with one of the most important bros in his life – John, and his family. Also met up with John’s mother, who happens to be Bear’s dearest “mother” as well. (He calls her ‘mother’ too, but they ain’t blood related.  But that’s not important, does it?  She’s close to him enough for him to call her mom.  ^_^ )
  • Celebrated Bear’s birthday on the day itself with him.  Didn’t really do much, just hanging out together. :)
  • Watched San Andreas together with Bear last Saturday.  OK-ish movie… but I guess I still prefer documentaries when it comes to natural disasters.  The CGI effects are nice, but the storyline is so predictable…
  • My mom got shingles, but she’s gradually recovering, and after two weeks’ rest, she’s heading back to work tomorrow.
  • Bear came over yesterday to help me “de-dust” my 5-yr old CPU with all his industrial tools.  Now my CPU is about 95% dust free, thanks to him!~ <3

That’s about it!  Bear and I went to many cafes, ate many stuff, all of which I didn’t blog (oops) here nor at the other food blog.  I got lazy!  Sorry.. =x

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突然好想你

最怕空气突然安静 最怕朋友突然的关心
最怕回忆 突然翻滚绞痛著不平息 最怕突然 听到你的消息
想念如果会有声音 不愿那是悲伤的哭泣
事到如今 终于让自己属于我自己 只剩眼泪 还骗不过自己

突然好想你 你会在哪里 过得快乐或委屈
突然好想你 突然锋利的回忆 突然模糊的眼睛

我们像一首最美丽的歌曲 变成两部悲伤的电影
为什么你 带我走过最难忘的旅行 然后留下 最痛的纪念品

我们 那么甜那么美那么相信 那么疯那么热烈的曾经
为何我们还是要奔向各自的幸福和遗憾中老去

突然好想你 你会在哪里 过得快乐或委屈
突然好想你 突然锋利的回忆 突然模糊的眼睛

最怕空气突然安静 最怕朋友突然的关心
最怕回忆 突然翻滚绞痛著不平息 最怕突然 听到你的消息

最怕此生 已经决心自己过没有你 却又突然 听到你的消息

一向来都不是五月天迷,但无可否认的,阿信写的歌的确能触碰到人心。

就好比这首《忽然好想你》。看着歌词,听着歌,忽然心好酸,忽然好想哭。

Sometimes I really hate being too empathetic.

你呢?你会突然想到谁呢?

 

Weekend Recap!

Wow I almost forgot what happened over the weekend.  I really need to stop procrastinating when it comes to blogging.  LOL.

Right. Here we go.

Friday 13/3/2015

I’ve applied for leave on this since beginning of the year, and I really have no idea why.  But well, since the leave was approved eons ago, I just took it.  Wandered around Orchard Road for the entire afternoon (spent about 2 hours in Kinokuniya though), before walking to The Central to meet up with Momo, before we walked over to 100AM where we met up with Kevin and Sharshar.  It was a pretty good dinner meet up with them, we joked and laughed about stuff… and Sharshar said something about Kevin that made Momo and I laughed so hard till tears came out.  I just love it when Sharshar and Kevin are both around.  They are so funny.  And I don’t need to really say anything when I’m with them… they are entertaining themselves and me at the same time.  Haha!

A pity about the dinner spot though.  Kevin wanted to try Skinny Pizza as he has yet to try it, and I’d say it’s just so-so.  Not something I would voluntarily go back for, honestly.

Saturday 14/3/2015

Epic day! My dearest Bear was sick a few days before, but he still managed to work up an appetite to down the Terminator Burger Challenge at Roadhouse!  More details here.  It was an awesome and relaxing day, spending time just chatting, eating, walking around…

Bear found that there’s a pattern… he said every time we had an epic lovely day, I would “kaboom” a day later or a few days later.  Till now I haven’t… so I hope it stays that way!  LOL.

Sunday 15/3/2015

Met up with Swordie again today, as he needed to borrow my Kinokuniya card to buy his entire Gamaran manga set.  We first had lunch at Centerpoint Astons, and well I was surprised that he didn’t eat as much as I thought he would.  I only knew after wards that he usually doesn’t eat that much for buffet, because he felt it’s the same dishes anyway.  There’s only that many things that he eats, and there’s only so many times that he can eat the same thing at the same seating. And I realised that he’s actually quite a considerate person.  I was whining about them running out of sauteed mushrooms, and when he saw the staff refilling it, he just went over and took a whole big bowl of sauteed mushrooms and plonk it down in front of me.  LOL.  I was pleasantly surprised that he would go get it for me instead of just telling me that it’s being refilled, but at the same time, I was like “whaaaat, you expect me to finish this one whole bowl of mushrooms?!”  But I still managed to finish it after a while, haha.

After we are done with food and Kinokuniya, he went home in a cab, while I went back to Kinokuniya and spent some time there before heading home.  I can’t resist a bookstore, really.  =P

So yup, there goes my weekend!

It’s another long week now, but I hope it’ll pass faster… counting down to my HK trip with Bear!  *twiddles thumb in anticipation* 4 more days!

Heartwarmers

Was kinda heart broken this morning (due to over/excessive thinking again), before my Bear appeared in front of me, complete with a box of cakes and a hot flask of Jewel’s Coffee while I was having lunch alone at Marche.

When I honestly thought I’ve screwed things up, he would appear out of the blue to let me know that despite all that I’ve done, he’s still there.

While being touched and feeling stupid about myself, I often wonder – when will it be the last time he appear like this?  How long can I continue doing and saying stupid things – before he finally throw in the towel and throw his hands up in disgust? Although it’s not that I’m doing these dumb stuff intentionally, but I know somehow one way or another, I need to stop.

The more I’m afraid of him leaving me, the higher chance I’m pushing him away.

I always tell others that if you don’t learn to love yourself, you can’t love others.

I need to practise what I preach.  I need to learn how to love myself, before I am worthy of his love.

And I need to learn how to trust.  If there’s trust, there won’t be jealousy.  If there’s no trust, what’s the point of being in a relationship?

I know all these, yet it’s so difficult for me to really give my trust.  14 years ago, for the whole of 3 years, I trusted, and I was betrayed. Again and again. And after that I stopped trusting men.

I know Bear is different.  He came from a different background, he had different childhood experience, and that molded him into someone who’s really different from others.  He asked me to trust him because he’s different.  I do.  Honestly I do trust him, to the point that I trust him that he won’t do anything even if he’s being dragged into a strip club or KTV with hostesses.  (Doesn’t mean I like it, but I know deep down that he won’t do anything funny.) It’s just that there are little things that will trigger the old memories in me which made me doubt.  I don’t know how am I gonna overcome these, but I know I must, or else, seriously one day I will drive him away, and that’s something I really do not want to happen.

He wants me to be more mature.  I’m supposed to be better than this too.  I know I can be.  I just don’t know why I’m being reduced to something like a little girl hanging on to her precious soft toy every time when I’m with him.  Because I love him too much, too afraid to lose him?

I honestly need to get a grip on myself.. No men would like a whiny, needy, attention seeking girl.  And I know I’m far better than that.  It’s time to bring that part of me out again.

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Legs are officially dead

Had a pretty awesome day today.

I went for breakfast at Percolate (again), and I ordered their Ham & Cheese sandwich croissant again, to test if I get gassy with bread.  And of course, their wonderful white coffee.  It’s not exactly cheap to actually dine at Percolate, but I’m really happy with their service, the atmosphere there, as well as their food and beverages.  Really hope they thrive with their little neighbourhood cafe, and I think I should continue to help them when I can.

The awesome breakfast at Percolate

Then I went on my merry way to Vivocity, where I bought two tickets for Kingsman: The Secret Service.  It’s something that Bear wanna watch, and after watching the trailer, I was very intrigued by it too.  It seemed like an action comedy, which it actually was.  Both of us enjoyed the movie immensely.  While we were watching the movie, I was hugging his arm all the while because I was feeling really cold in the cinema.  And him, being as thoughtful and considerate as ever, covered my exposed arm with a towel (he was intending to head to gym later at a friend’s place) he brought along in his gym bag, to make sure I could stay warm.  That was really very sweet of him. He’s really an awesome buddy, friend, boyfriend, real-life bear plushie (that hugs back), body warmer, gym coach, makan kaki… I could just hold on to his hand or buibui arm forever, if he lets me.

After the movie, I was getting a little hungry as my stomach started to churn, so instead of going straight to his friend’s place, we went for my late lunch at The King Louis Grill & Bar. I ordered the Moroccan Boneless Chicken Leg, and Bear helped me finished up the roasted potatoes that came with it because I could not touch any carb or starchy food for the rest of the day (I’m testing whether if bread would cause gas in me, remember?).  I felt so bad because he should be staying off carbs for his diet too.  Although he tried to make me feel better by saying potatoes are “clean” food (aka not processed) and that he needs to meet his daily calories intake as well, I still felt pretty bad that he had to screw up his diet just because I can’t eat those (and he hates to waste food).  =(

After our uber late lunch, we then walked over to Carribean @ Keppel Bay, where AOD lives and where he’s hosting the Icy BBQ.  I didn’t get to go up to his place to take a look at the view he has though.  But that’s all right.  I’m just happy to be with Bear, happy that he took me along for all these events, even though sometimes I felt kinda out of place because I just don’t fit in.  I don’t talk to the girls (I seriously have no topics to talk about with them), I don’t talk to the rest of the guys (but I do laugh at their jokes – they are a humorous bunch!), and Bear had to stick by me most of the time so that I don’t feel too alone.  I felt bad that he had to be “separated” from the guys because I’m there.  But at the same time I’m happy that he’s making an effort to be there next to me.  Sigh, it’s just such a dilemma…

It’s like, I’m so glad to be with him, I’m happy when I’m with him, but yet I feel bad because I feel that I’m not the right person for him.  He has to consider so many things when it comes to me, and it’s like, he needs to think about what he wants to say before he says anything so that I don’t get upset or angry.  He has to restrain himself from smoking when the rest of the guys are just puffing away, just because he promised me that he won’t smoke in front of me. It just doesn’t feel right that one party in a relationship has to do that… and as time goes by, that’s just gonna build resentment.  I know, because I went through it before. I talked to him about this, but he just brushed it aside and reassured me that he’s happy with me, despite me being a pain in the ass sometimes.

He always said I think too much (I think a lot of people said that to me, lol), and maybe I am… but it’s just… sigh, never mind.  I’m just going around the bush anyway.

So yeah.  We had a BBQ, with some of the guys cooking for everyone, and I just sat there and drank and ate whatever that Bear brought over for me.  I also sipped a few variety of wine, lol.  Like, seriously, this is the first time I’ve ever tasted so much wine.  Had Icy Blue (super sweet), 3 or even 4 different varieties of Moscato, and Bailey’s (which is uber sweet too).  Alright, Bailey’s isn’t wine, but yeah.  There’s two bottles of Chivas on the table, 1/4 bottle of Cordon Blue (can’t remember exact spelling), one Martell, and… well I didn’t keep track of all the stuff they brought on the table lol.  I bet they were enjoying them now!  Haha.

Yeah I left earlier, because I need to get home before 11pm, before my mom reaches home.  So Bear sent me to the bus stop, made sure I got up the bus safely, before returning to the BBQ.  He told me to call him when I’m home (which I did), and I nagged him to not drink and smoke too much.  I know he hardly meet up with these bros, so actually I don’t mind him smoke and drink with them if that’s how they catch up with each other and enjoying their times together.  Just not too much…

And… what of the croissant?  I got a little gassy at around 1+pm, and I’m pretty sure that’s not due to the bread because food takes about 6-8 hours to digest. I’m slightly gassy now, but I think that’s due to those wine that I sipped.

Hmm… maybe I need another similar experiment to confirm if bread is all right for me.

Aaaaaaand.. my legs are officially dead from standing around and walking around for hours without resting.  LOL.

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