不适合

好累。

三年了。一直以为可以这样下去,但是我爸爸过世后,我看清了。

我们不适合。

你,明明来过我家好几次,看过我爸妈好几次。可是在我爸爸葬礼,你只待了五分钟就离开了。

我跟你当时算是比好朋友还好的阶段了,我们都已经说好即使不结婚,也是一辈子的伴了。

连我的同事都能待个三十分钟。你却。。。

从那天起,我心凉了。

三年,这三年都是我在照顾你,去哪里都好像我是姐姐似的,我安排,我决定,我带路, 我照顾。你什么都不管,只负责问 “我们去哪儿?” 其余的都是在等我策划。我们从不牵手,因为你怕被你父母亲戚朋友看到。原来我之前的猜测是对的。你只喜欢“在一起”的感觉,你要的只是那“暧昧”的感觉。你不懂得付出,只是一味的接受我对你的关怀和照顾。

是,我是一个独立的女生。但是我终究是个女生。我有时也会需要一个肩膀给我靠,需要一个人在我无助的时候帮我做决定。而这三年让我发现,你,不是那个人。

既然不是,那就不用浪费彼此的时间了吧。做个朋友,可以。不过,朋友不需要每个星期都见面吧。我真的不想那么频密的见你了。我宁愿花心思和时间在我妈和我自己身上。

这十月的北海道之旅,既然早已订了飞机票,那就算了。幸好这次我妈也跟着来。从北海道回来后,我真的,真的,不想再见到你了。你去找别人跟你暧昧吧。我没精力,也没空。

好累。

不再见

很喜欢这首歌。真的很喜欢。更喜欢李荣浩唱的部分。听了心狠狠的抽了好几下,好像被针扎了好几次。眼眶瞬间红了,好想哭。这编曲好,歌词更好。。。

不再见
作词:郭敬明 落落
作曲:李荣浩
编曲:李荣浩

离别没说再见 你是否心酸
转身寥寥笑脸 不甘的甘愿
也许下个冬天 也许还十年
再回到你身边 为你撑雨伞
剩几个夜晚 再几次晚安
等你摘下还戴上指环

原谅捧花的我盛装出席只为错过你
祈祷天灾人祸分给我只给你这香气
但我卑微奢求让我存留些许的气息
好让你在梦里能想起我曾紧抱你的 力气

以后遇见风雪 有新的雨伞
为我留的灯盏 能不能别关
不要为我伤感 别被绝望打断
不能一起的白头 也别让风雪染
再一个明天 下一世人间
等我再为你戴上指环

原谅捧花的我盛装出席却只为献礼
目送洁白纱裙路过我对他说我愿意
但我继续清扫门前的路和那段阶梯
如果你疲惫时别忘记那里还能停留 休息

原谅捧花的我盛装出席只为错过你
祈祷天灾人祸分给我只给你这香气
我想大言不惭卑微奢求来世再爱你
希望每晚星亮入梦时有人来代替我 吻你

So, I’ve got a new bag

Mhm. I actually went ahead and got myself the Tom Bihn Synapse 25 which I was eyeing for some time.

First impressions: The bag is gonna last a LONG time. The ballistic nylon feels so tough! The YYK zips are not extremely smooth but they feel huge and super durable. The chipped left strap buckle brushed against my inner arm, but that’s gonna resolved soon as Tom Bihn had already sent a replacement bag over and it’s on it’s way here. Weight wise, it was a little heavy to carry on my hand, but when I carried the backpack on my back, initially it felt heavy but I noticed that no matter how much stuff I throw inside, the burden my shoulders felt actually was somewhat the same, which kinda baffled me. I’ll try more when my replacement bag comes. The back panel isn’t as breatheable as I expected it to be, but after loosening the straps (lengthening them) a little, there’s actually some room for my back to breathe and it was better.

I think I’ll do a more detailed review after a few months of using the bag to see how things go.

Tom Bihn Synapse 25 Nebulous Grey

你好吗

墙上静止的钟是为谁停留
是不是和我一样赖著不走
你说故事已经结束 很久
我忘了 向前走

我努力假装现在过得很好
现在的你看来已不需要我
也许在不同的时空
还牵着 你的手

想知道你真的过得好吗
没有我也许是种解脱
将思念穿梭在宇宙数千光年
悄悄到 你身边

现在我试着习惯一个人过
也许你已经开始新的生活
陪着我的叫做寂寞
陪你的 是谁呢?

想知道你真的过得好吗
没有我也许是种解脱
将思念穿梭在宇宙数千光年
悄悄到 你身边

现在我试着习惯一个人过
也许你已经开始新的生活
陪着我的叫做寂寞
陪你的 是谁呢?

也许在不同的时空
还牵着 你的手

Dreamt about my dad

Last night I dreamt about my dad again. I’ve been dreaming about him quite frequently these few nights… but last night was quite different.

It felt almost real. Everyone at home had already went to sleep. I was the last one, and before I step into my room, I heard the door opened and Dad step into the house, like how he did when he worked night shift the last time. I remembered looking at him in shock, wondering why was he back, why could he still appear in front of me in flesh. He still jokingly asked me why did I keep looking at him.

I reached out to touch him and found that I could feel him. Suddenly I just started crying, very hard, non stop, while grabbing his arm. I didn’t cry in real life as I dreamt, but I cried very hard in the dream. (Usually if I cry in the dream, I would be crying IRL too.)

Can’t remember much of the dream after that. It did continue, but I don’t remember the details.

Although I had somewhat gotten used to him not being around us anymore, I realised 我还是很想他…

I want a new bag!

As above title.

I’m looking at Tom Bihn Synapse 25 bag – but holy cow it’s expensive. However, considering it’s gonna last a lifetime, perhaps I shouldn’t hesitate too much about it…

Browsing around the site, I’ve set my sights on:-

That’s a whopping USD332, which roughly converts to about SGD451. Bleh.

Guess I’ll get it when either my Outgear or Bobby XD bag fails me…

清明。。。

农历三月初一,清明节。

去了三清宫拜祭老爸。

老爸,您还好吗?我和老妈都很好。希望我们的心意您感觉得到,收得到。

想您了啊。谢谢您最近出现在我梦里。

Meh

Can’t get the “year” in the post date working despite spending 3 hours trying to look through all the CSS sheets… Am I missing something somewhere?

Small Update

Nothing much happened for the first three months of 2019.

I’ve got a small promotion at work (assistant manager now, wut?), preparing a trip to Hokkaido with mommy and Bruno (airtickets bought), went on a 4D Taipei trip with mommy and my aunt and cousins.

Still trying to not think of death and my dad too much.